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It's been a while since I have been here. It's got a lot to do with me suffering with severe depression and this year has been bad for me for a variety of reasons and have been feeling isolated. Usually it's certain times of the year I am low and have coping mechanisms in place. One of the reasons I am feeling very low is because of friends becoming grandparents and great grandparents. I have a grandson whom I have never seen and I don't even know his name let alone when he was born. I found out the information from a mutual aquaintance who told him they felt I had a right to know. I also know that he believes I'm not a good enough mother and doesn't want me near his son. My son and I fell out a few years ago. He is an angry young man with issues with being adopted and blame me, my husband and his adoptive parents for everything wrong in his life. I love him very much, have respected his wishes not to have any contact but it still hurts knowing he hates me that much that he doesn't want me to know his grandson.
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I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's not the same, but I am in the age bracket where everyone is having kids. I'm single and can't get pregnant again. My heart breaks a little every time someone announces a pregnancy. It is really hard when it is one of my brothers. That said, I'll pray for you.
Thank you both. belle, for years after my son was born I vowed I wasn't going to have more children as I was scared to go through that cycle of having a child, wanting to parent then being pressured into surrendering. I didn't trust anybody enough to get married either. Eventually I did get married but we didn't have children. I blamed myself and felt I was being punished for my son being adopted. We did find out that it was my husband who would be unlikely to ever to father a child. It's been so hard on him as he is great with children and would have been a great dad. I do understand what you are going through. People assumed I would have more children because I had one.
Just realized that in my first post I wrote his grandson :grr: when it should have been my grandson. Today I am feeling better in myself and it has helped that I reread an email from a friend I had lost contact with. We first 'met' online in early 2005 on an group for mothers who had surrendered a child and hadn't had more children. We had similar stories including reuniting about the same time with our sons although she did raise her son for the first 5 months of his life. Although we only met once we often spoke to each other on the telephone. Anyway we lost contact about 3 1/3 years ago as she wanted to move on and I felt at that time that us having contact would hold her back. In July I sent her an email as I have often thought about her and missed the friendship. When she responded it was a couple of months later and didn't check my emails properly. She knows I have read her email though and wants contact again as well.
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