Advertisements
Advertisements
Drywall
Also, there are some parts of us as males that come into play that we are unable to change.
Drywall..
Did you mean males vs females or did you mean as adoptees in general, because
1. males... I wondered if you as a male feel a different 'primal wound' book that I'm reading by Nancy Verrier) affect than that of a female would... I get on a lot closer to my a.dad than my a.mum..
She is going through her own issues with my 'a'.brother their biological son... Still trying to decipher some codes on here like a term you used 'Feelings of RAD'... Plus wondering if she's had any hidden issues with not being able to conceive another child... After their son.. 3x Miscarriages before doctors 'orders' not to try again... Before them choosing the route of adoption ... Not sure if my dad had/has the issues...straying from the point
Skip and address later please... 'Code/term/phrase what would/should I use as for my adopted parents biological son and RAD appreciated... Mind wondering on the other issue...that I'll muddle through as my issue later..
2. Adoptees as general... I agree with lots of your points..
I think you've got a good outlook on life in general.. Albeit I don't know/judge you, I'm just a newbie!! The facts from your perspective and clear, they aren't sugar coated, a plus by the way!
Sorry if this sounds like random verbal $*** but I'm trying to gain more perspective and appreciate the feedback... Thanks.
Advertisements
This is so awesome for me to read! I am the spouse of a male adoptee. I love him so much that in the midst of the hardest part of our marriage - I want help. I want to know how to help him, and it's so hard! We are both well aware that his trust issues are rooted in his adoption. While he was given up for adoption at birth, he wasn't adopted until he was almost 3 years old. He does not want to find his birth family, and I'm in total support. However, he doesn't know how to trust - anyone. I have never given him reason to doubt me, but I swear he can't help it! Minor day-to-day issues cripple him where he just can't stop the lines of questions. It's getting worse and worse.
Any thoughts or ideas would be very helpful...
1 Liked
 likes this.
So many similarities with how the adoptees feel. I am a mom at 16 and decided to keep my kids. I’m the spouse of an adoptee too. He has loyalty issues. But not for the negative. He just is only loyal to a-mom/dad. His dog. Well me and the kids now. The rest of the world can buzz off. He also has no interest in the past. Until he met me he was not interested in the future. Just enjoying the present. His a-mom/dad gave him the world as a b-mom would only dream of giving him. He has no interest in his b-mom, but is curious about b-dad. I think he wants to know if he was in on it. He assumes she didn’t want him. I told him his a-mom said his b-mom didn’t surrender him until day three. She tried to keep him. (According to a-mom) for the first time he softened up. He doesn’t want a-parents to feel replaced as they can never be. He labeled himself Cubin to have an identity, but marks other on paperwork asking his race. Overall his is emotionally healthy and loving. He got lucky though. A lot children in his city where adopted, and are not emotionally healthy. Those friends a-parents where not as nurturing with there a-children. He just took a DNA test to see what is genetic makeup is. I’ve asked him if he wants to find his b-family. At first it was a solid NO. A few years later after gentle and hard conservations he said I could look, but didn’t want to do the work. It was his loophole around loyalty. It took me a year to do the DNA test. That’s a huge responsibility to bare. Did I want to cause my husband pain. Well than maybe it would be joy. No even with joy there will be pain. So I just wanted to protect him. After all he is happy what does it matter. Right? Well here we are and all the white people in the world call him brown. All the people of color call him white. He has started marking white on paperwork. I think after 42 years of healthy love coupled with finally being married he is ready to face what the past is. February 1 ancestry received his kit, and we all including a- dad as a-mom passed last year are waiting. Such a sweet beautiful woman who adores her one and only son. I’ve rationalized his b-mom surrendering him by saying she was just a vessel as his mom or dad couldn’t be the vessel. But that is their son. This is where the disloyal by finding them CAME into play. I love all the piece his adoption gave him. Never have I felt so loved and had so much loyalty. I guess just remember you had a baby with him knowing y’all didn’t know. While you can’t help how you feel nor can he. Just don’t do things that cause resentment in your relationship and love is all that’s left. I couldn’t fathom giving my kids away. Even though it has meant a very poor life for them. It almost makes me feel selfish. I just know that at 13, 16, and 18 all three kids are drug/child free. That this rough life and intense constant supervision has helped brake the generational chains of youth pregnancy and lack of education. So if my kids turn out well the selfish way paid off.
Last update on February 16, 4:28 pm by Jozlyn Johns.