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Hi! My name is Vanessa. I am new here and I am looking for some "friends" or at least some support. I am 26 years old. I am the mother to 3 children, my youngest we are in the process of placing for adoption. My husband and I have been married for 7 years. I grew up in an abusive household and was in and out of foster care, group homes etc. I have severe bipolar, ptsd, etc. I have a almost six year old son who is on the autism spectrum and a 2 year old daughter. Right now neither me or my husband is working and we are barely making ends meet. When I found out I was pregnant with Joshua I knew I wanted to place him for adoption but my hubby said no that we could do it and make it work and I believed him. Joshua was not placed. I got pregnant with an IUD in and him and my daughter are only 16 months apart. I was so scared. I wanted to have an abortion but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Joshua was born on July 2nd of this year. I had a high risk pregnancy and he spent 10 days in the NICU. I brought him home and everything fell apart. About 1 1/2 weeks after having him home i tried to take him to the police dept and drop him off but they wouldn't take him. My husband and I reconsidered adoption then but kept it to ourselves. In August when Josh was weeks old we told our familes we had decided to place. No one was supportive at all. They ended up talking us out of it. In November because of severe post-partum depression I attempted suicide. Things got really bad and then started getting worse. By Decmeber my husband was so overwhelmed as was I. We decided to do the adoption. This time we told our families in a letter. Still our familes are not receptive and refuse to have contact with us. I feel so alone on this journey and I feel like I have no one to talk to. I feel like I can't make the right choice. I made the wrong choice by getting pregnant and the wrong choice by choosing adoption and giving all three of my children a better life. Sorry if I rambled but I had to get it all out. If anyone has any ideas for getting through the next 3 weeks of court date and meeting the family all alone with no support I would love to hear it. Thanks Vanessa
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First of all, I'd like to welcome you to the forums, Vanessa -- I'm so glad you found us! It sounds like you're under an incredible amount of stress, something that many of us can relate to and understand. I'm going to take a while to think about your situation, because your honesty demands a thoughtful reply. I haven't been feeling very well lately and just don't seem to have the energy right now to focus...and you deserve a focused response. The one question I do have is this: have you talked to a trusted therapist or counselor, someone who knows your history? Is there anyone in your family or peer group who is a good listener and who will support you in whatever you do? Hopefully some of our other members will chime in here soon. Please keep coming back -- I promise we won't bite you or judge you. :loveyou:
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Hello and welcome to the forums! I am sorry you are in such a rough predicament. Is your family willing to watch the kids for you, help you with chores around the house, or anything else that will help ease some of the stress you're under. You say they are not supportive of you placing the baby for adoption, are they willing to step up and help you keep him? You say that you have a history of bipolar/PTSD. Are you currently under a DR's/councilor's care? Can anyone talk you through this and help you come up with some viable solutions to manage this? I hope someone can step up and help you keep your baby. I would hate to see you resort to a permanent solution to a temporary problem and suffer for the rest of your life over it.
You are not alone.....God is always with you!! He hurts with you and you must lean on him for guidance. You must trust him. We can't see what the future holds but God knows the path and the outcome. You are in a painful situation and my heart breaks for you. I myself was in a terrible state and told my husband that I can understand why people feel that there is no where to turn and feel like they want to end the pain themselves. I have faith in the Lord and he will not allow me to take that route and I feel he is working on you. My son was placed up for adoption 23 years ago. I still have the pain and I am too searching for support. Please know that there are people out here feeling the way you feel ...you are not alone!!!! You can message me any time you feel the need! I try to check everyday!
vmmiller1987
Hi! My name is Vanessa. I am new here and I am looking for some "friends" or at least some support. I am 26 years old. I am the mother to 3 children, my youngest we are in the process of placing for adoption. My husband and I have been married for 7 years. I grew up in an abusive household and was in and out of foster care, group homes etc. I have severe bipolar, ptsd, etc. I have a almost six year old son who is on the autism spectrum and a 2 year old daughter. Right now neither me or my husband is working and we are barely making ends meet. When I found out I was pregnant with Joshua I knew I wanted to place him for adoption but my hubby said no that we could do it and make it work and I believed him. Joshua was not placed. I got pregnant with an IUD in and him and my daughter are only 16 months apart. I was so scared. I wanted to have an abortion but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Joshua was born on July 2nd of this year. I had a high risk pregnancy and he spent 10 days in the NICU. I brought him home and everything fell apart. About 1 1/2 weeks after having him home i tried to take him to the police dept and drop him off but they wouldn't take him. My husband and I reconsidered adoption then but kept it to ourselves. In August when Josh was weeks old we told our familes we had decided to place. No one was supportive at all. They ended up talking us out of it. In November because of severe post-partum depression I attempted suicide. Things got really bad and then started getting worse. By Decmeber my husband was so overwhelmed as was I. We decided to do the adoption. This time we told our families in a letter. Still our familes are not receptive and refuse to have contact with us. I feel so alone on this journey and I feel like I have no one to talk to. I feel like I can't make the right choice. I made the wrong choice by getting pregnant and the wrong choice by choosing adoption and giving all three of my children a better life. Sorry if I rambled but I had to get it all out. If anyone has any ideas for getting through the next 3 weeks of court date and meeting the family all alone with no support I would love to hear it. Thanks Vanessa
Hi Vanessa, I'm Christine. I'm a Birthmother of 11 years now, so I have been where you are in making the decision in placing my baby for adoption, and I truly feel for you. This is definitely one of the hugest, hardest decisions you will make of your life. But know these two things, you definitely are not alone, even if it feels that way, and ONLY YOU can possibly know what is best for your children. Not your family, not your husband, not anyone else but you. I remember wondering if I was making the right choice when I placed my baby for adoption all those years ago, and honestly, I still hurt and ache because of it, but I also know I did the right thing. I get to see pics of him now and how he's doing, and so I get to see first hand that he is living a much much better life than I ever could have given him. Not to mention the gift that I gave to his AP's who had been trying and failing to have kids for years. I know it's been a while since you posted your message, and I'm sorry I don't come on this site as often as I should anymore, as THIS VERY SITE is what got me through my whole adoption process. Good luck, keep your head up and just try not to be so hard on yourself. We are very strong people if we can admit that we need help.
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I feel you and understand what your going through. Being a parent is not easy and we always want what's best for our children. However, making a decision will always be tough most especially if it will affect the lives of our love ones. But if the reason is for them to have better life it's okay that you let your child go for adoption. It will hurt you so much but sooner or later you'll realize that everything happens for a reason. Just remember that God is always with you. Keep going and have faith. :)
Hi Vanessa, Thank you for sharing part of your story with us. We are glad you are here and hope you feel welcome. Your choice is only yours to make, but I think the people below gave you good advice and points to consider. I hope for clarity and peace for you in your decision. All the best!
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