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I found out yesterday that I have a grandson. He is 8 months old. My son (24 yrs old) and the birth mother gave him up for adoption. I literally stopped breathing for a time and almost passed out. I am not saying this adoption is a bad thing. I would have taken him no questions asked. My son says his reasons were that he did not have the means to provide on his own for the child and he didn't want to put anymore on me or for the child to have anything to do with is dad (bad situation). I have cried so much my eyes and face hurt. I have prayed for this baby since I found out. I pray the people love him and never hurt him intentionally. I pray that someday I will be able to see him. I understand he looks just like my son. I want to say I thought I had taught them and assured all of my children that no matter what happens, and things do happen, that a baby is always a gift and would never be a burden. We'd work together to take care of the child. My son can get updates and can have photos if he asks. I would like to see photos and have updates. I'd also like to give them a photo album of my son as he grew up to give my grandson later on in life when he asks about his dad. We have an adopted daughter that is 7 so I understand how the birth parents would feel having someone intrude. I won't do that. I am also an adopted child, but reuniting with my birth parents did not have a good outcome. Any advice?
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Asking and offering are not intruding, as long as you accept either a yes or no answer. As an amom, I would have loved to have more information/ more contact with both bparents and their families. I would suggest you start by asking your son if he would be okay with this first. It could put you in an awkward situation if you approach the agency/ afamily directly without his knowledge, especially if he then does not agree with you doing so.
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I hope I am replying correctly-first day as a member.....I feel for you so very much. 23 years ago, I placed my son up for adoption and his birth grandfather was not told. (abusive) I too made a photo album that I kept until the day we met. It was a way for me to express my love for my son any time I wanted to. I am praying for you!
Elisabeth66
I found out yesterday that I have a grandson. He is 8 months old. My son (24 yrs old) and the birth mother gave him up for adoption. I literally stopped breathing for a time and almost passed out. I am not saying this adoption is a bad thing. I would have taken him no questions asked. My son says his reasons were that he did not have the means to provide on his own for the child and he didn't want to put anymore on me or for the child to have anything to do with is dad (bad situation). I have cried so much my eyes and face hurt. I have prayed for this baby since I found out. I pray the people love him and never hurt him intentionally. I pray that someday I will be able to see him. I understand he looks just like my son. I want to say I thought I had taught them and assured all of my children that no matter what happens, and things do happen, that a baby is always a gift and would never be a burden. We'd work together to take care of the child. My son can get updates and can have photos if he asks. I would like to see photos and have updates. I'd also like to give them a photo album of my son as he grew up to give my grandson later on in life when he asks about his dad. We have an adopted daughter that is 7 so I understand how the birth parents would feel having someone intrude. I won't do that. I am also an adopted child, but reuniting with my birth parents did not have a good outcome. Any advice?
Unfortunately you cant change the decision your son made. You can ask but; the grandparents are always a tricky situation. As an Amom I'm always worried about what the relationship is between the grandparent and the parent. I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable taking something from the grandparent with out the parents being involved. If your son were to approach them and say "here's an album of photos for my son when he's older" that's one thing but honestly I'd just hold on to it until the child seeks it out. I would hate to be responsible for an album of photos of my child's birth parent. You move the kid gets older. We've had the birth parents of our DD's give us things. Plus we're so connected to them we've gotten a bit too much to "hold on to" I've gotten a tote for my now 7 month old her "great gma" has given her so much! :) Just a secondary perspective.
I have an Adopted daughter. I was given photos of her birth mom, father unknown. I have them and info on her birth siblings as well. I don't mind at all keeping this for her until the time comes. I will hang on to the album until my grandson comes looking for us someday. I just hope I get to meet him someday.
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Elisabeth66
I will hang on to the album until my grandson comes looking for us someday.
I would agree with wrking21 that you certainly wouldn't want to send the originals to your grandson at this time But, if the family is amenable to it, you could send him a few copies of pictures.As wrking21 mentioned, sometimes others don't value and protect the gifts, and sometimes the child is too young to value them.