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My husband is active duty here in So Cal. We adopted my daughter in Dec 2012 and getting ready to jump back in again. Counties and FFA's do like it if you have at least 18 months a you are going into foster/adopt to mainly adopt. A child has to live with you a minimum of 6 months as a foster before you can adopt. We went with an FFA so we could be considered for kids in neighboring counties not just our own. We made sure included in our home study was the upside of placing a child with a military family: we are adaptable, we have good insurance, steady pay check, our military community is made up of every race, nationality, and religion so child will fit in no even if they are a different race then us.
For base housing there is an additional form you will have to get signed by the housing office to have a foster child live with you but very simple to do. There was $0 cost to foster/adopt. We paid for our finger printing to be done but that was remembered when we finalized the adoption. We had to pay for baby gates, outlet plugs, and other things to "baby" proof our house but you would need to do things like that anyway. There are MANY military families that are foster and foster to adopt. Our classes to get licensed were on Saturdays for 5 weeks, 1 month to do the home study, and home inspection, and about a month to get all paperwork done and approved. We were placed with my daughter just a month after that and finalized 10 months later.
The journey has ups and downs. The system can be frustrating but the outcome for us was a new daughter. If you can handle the military lifestyle of the unknown, the hurry up and wait, and we will tell you when we want you to know attitude then you can handle the world of foster/adoption.
We are not doing straight foster due to some of your own fears--not being able to let go--so instead we have been doing short term placements such as respite and emergency since my daughter's adoption and until we were ready to jump back in to adopt again. Feel free to message me if you have any questions for me.