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Hello, I am very new to this group, and I posted a few messages here and there regarding fostering and adoption as my husband and I want to foster-to-adopt. We just had our mapp orientation class today and after it, we pretty much feel we should not do this because the risk is too high if you have bio children (we have a 6 and a 4yo) The class was so "shocking" and even though I appreciate that the social workers tried to "sugar coat" the system, they also wanted to bring down to earth those dreamers, it feels like this could be such a disaster if you have children, or at least young children. I am hoping for someone to tell me that it is not the case, that there is hope as we really, really wanted to do this, we were even considering siblings but it looks like if we do it we will be endangering out bio kids childhood and future. Any advice will be greatly appreciated
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A lot of people see Foster Care and Foster To Adopt as 'A No Cost Child' to Love. I would stay below your Biological Children's Birth Order!! I would also go to Multiple Agencies Free Orientations and then make a decision!! I would also consider doing 'Respite Care' for other Families, and 'get your feet wet'. Then see where you stand in decision? As a Family, I would also consider the Pros and the Cons of Foster Care, Respite Care, and longterm Adoption?? I would also really ask your Kids. If this is something that they really want to do as a Family??
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I would stick with littles. We have older bios, but we still stick with littles, because we have seen what a few high needs foster kids can do to bios and the relationship between bios and parents. Our age range is 0-2, and we do not take sib sets, because the low ages make for a lot less time and energy for the older bios. Just my .02 and how we have handled our family and fostering.
Hi! We have just completed our homestudy/ classes and paperwork (it's a lot!!!) and will be licensed within the next few weeks. We also have three young bio children. We are keeping to the 0-2 range. I am also going to be very picky about saying yes to a placement for the sake of my boys. I know I can take only the most basic of basic and probably the younger the better. If we get into this and decide that it is hurting our boys we will have to stop. They have to come first. And yet....we want to be open to providing permanence to a child if there is one out there that needs us and it is a situation that is good for everyone involved. Blessings as you investigate this foster adoption world! I know it can be very intimidating and a bit scary!
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You have to be able to love the children as they were you own knowing they could go home and you never see them again. Then if they don't- then its super special.I recommend your husband and you pray about it .... alot! We were back and forth about it for a while when we decided to go for it. I wouldn't change that for anything. Even if we may take a break in between kids, we have enjoyed the kids staying with us.My BDs were 4.5 and 5.5 when we first started talking about it. We were pretty open with them on their level and they have been clued in all along. We ALWAYS ask them if they still want kids when one leaves and they are open with us about whether they want them, what ages they want, etc. If you keep them involved and they know that the kids placed that it may not be forever it'll be ok. Our first placements were older than our girls. It was ok but my girls were exposed to conversations that they didn't understand. I had to take 1 on 1 time with them to talk about why the FK talked about suicide at the breakfast table. I also had to talk to them about addiction when the baby came home with addicted to so many drugs. All in all- my kids are better for us doing this. It has given me so many opportunities to talk to them about stuff that I would have never thought of talking to them about and because its subjects that I talk to them about before they hear it somewhere else- I get to control much of the information they get on the topic- so they get the truth. I love when the first FK were talking about suicide at the breakfast table my kids were able to talk about the members of our family that died (even if a different reason). One benefit is that my kids have learned about loss and been able to empathize with other children in a way that they didn't before. I know this was the right choice for us- even if my family members didn't support it in the beginning. Pray about it- and you will KNOW if it's right. I still get nervous about it from time to time, but I rely on God and know that he called us for this.--Oh and I have an amazing support system with my family, friends, school, church, and community (even if they all get a bit too nosy about each placement we get--be ready to field those questions).
You have to be able to love the children as they were you own knowing they could go home and you never see them again. Then if they don't- then its super special. I recommend your husband and you pray about it .... alot! We were back and forth about it for a while when we decided to go for it. I wouldn't change that for anything. Even if we may take a break in between kids, we have enjoyed the kids staying with us. My BDs were 4.5 and 5.5 when we first started talking about it. We were pretty open with them on their level and they have been clued in all along. We ALWAYS ask them if they still want kids when one leaves and they are open with us about whether they want them, what ages they want, etc. If you keep them involved and they know that the kids placed that it may not be forever it'll be ok. Our first placements were older than our girls. It was ok but my girls were exposed to conversations that they didn't understand. I had to take 1 on 1 time with them to talk about why the FK talked about suicide at the breakfast table. I also had to talk to them about addiction when the baby came home with addicted to so many drugs. All in all- my kids are better for us doing this. It has given me so many opportunities to talk to them about stuff that I would have never thought of talking to them about and because its subjects that I talk to them about before they hear it somewhere else- I get to control much of the information they get on the topic- so they get the truth. I love when the first FK were talking about suicide at the breakfast table my kids were able to talk about the members of our family that died (even if a different reason). One benefit is that my kids have learned about loss and been able to empathize with other children in a way that they didn't before. I know this was the right choice for us- even if my family members didn't support it in the beginning. Pray about it- and you will KNOW if it's right. I still get nervous about it from time to time, but I rely on God and know that he called us for this.--Oh and I have an amazing support system with my family, friends, school, church, and community (even if they all get a bit too nosy about each placement we get--be ready to field those questions).