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I really need HELP!!! I have known about my brother for about 10 yrs, and I am 35. He was born I believe at the Camp Lejeune Marine base in North Carolina
My mother was 16 or 17 years old. My parents are no longer married and I don't know where to start but I cannot be 100% ok until I find him. How do I find someone with out knowing what name he was given at birth??? This is going to take a miracle and its a total shot in the dark, but im not going to give up. Someone please help ME!!!!!
I was curious why do you not know his name?
"How do I find someone with out knowing what name he was given at birth?"
Was he born at the Naval Hospital on Camp Lejeune or the civilian hospital there? There is only one, Onslow County. Was your mother's father in the military? That is the ONLY way (or at least 98%) that baby was born at the military facility.
Exactly what information do you have regarding your brother? Date of birth, Mother's name, (biological father's name), etc....any and everything you know about him.
Other than what you already wrote.
Men are usually really easy to find because you don't have the barrier of last name changes in marriage.
I can try to help you, but you must give me everything you have. Feel free to PM me. I managed to track down both sides of my biological family for free, by myself, so I have lots of practice searching for people.
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Hi,
Thank for responding. I do not know his name because I guess this was a big hush, hush secrete of my mothers. To my knowledge my grandparents don't even know that he exists. My Father was a marine and during this time he was in North Carolina. When I was about 15 or 16 I was listening in on one of my mothers phone conversations with her sister, This is when I learned of him. I held that secrete in for a long time not wanting my mother to know that I knew, however it was a huge mistake of mine not confronting her right away because I harbored a lot of resentment and confusion towards her. I felt like she was hiding a part of me from me and I wanted to know him, what he looked like, if he was ok, if he has a loving family, does he have kids and so on.....I finally told my sister and we confronted her, her reaction was not very pleasant, I pulled a skeleton out of her closet and she was shocked. She refused to give me any info other than skimming the surface... It has been years, and years, since I have learned of him being that I am now 35. My mom married my dad at the age of 16, she said that my dad didn't believe that the baby was his and she was sooo young. Some how she managed to hide the pregnancy by moving to North Carolina and very few people knew. She swears that he was my dads, he didn't buy it. Who knows. My parents have since been divorced for a long time now but when I ask my dad, he simply says to discuss it with my mom. Well I'm not going to get anywhere with her. She said that she has made it easy for her to be found, and that she didn't want to disrupt his life. She wasn't sure if he knew that he was adopted and such. Any how sorry for going on, and on... you are the first person that seems to actually care to discuss it with me.
Thanks Christa
Hi,
Thank for responding. I do not know his name because I guess this was a big hush, hush secrete of my mothers. To my knowledge my grandparents don't even know that he exists. My Father was a marine and during this time he was in North Carolina. When I was about 15 or 16 I was listening in on one of my mothers phone conversations with her sister, This is when I learned of him. I held that secrete in for a long time not wanting my mother to know that I knew, however it was a huge mistake of mine not confronting her right away because I harbored a lot of resentment and confusion towards her. I felt like she was hiding a part of me from me and I wanted to know him, what he looked like, if he was ok, if he has a loving family, does he have kids and so on.....I finally told my sister and we confronted her, her reaction was not very pleasant, I pulled a skeleton out of her closet and she was shocked. She refused to give me any info other than skimming the surface... It has been years, and years, since I have learned of him being that I am now 35. My mom married my dad at the age of 16, she said that my dad didn't believe that the baby was his and she was sooo young. Some how she managed to hide the pregnancy by moving to North Carolina and very few people knew. She swears that he was my dads, he didn't buy it. Who knows. My parents have since been divorced for a long time now but when I ask my dad, he simply says to discuss it with my mom. Well I'm not going to get anywhere with her. She said that she has made it easy for her to be found, and that she didn't want to disrupt his life. She wasn't sure if he knew that he was adopted and such. Any how sorry for going on, and on... you are the first person that seems to actually care to discuss it with me.
Thanks Christa
Hi,
Thank for responding. I do not know his name because I guess this was a big hush, hush secrete of my mothers. To my knowledge my grandparents don't even know that he exists. My Father was a marine and during this time he was in North Carolina. When I was about 15 or 16 I was listening in on one of my mothers phone conversations with her sister, This is when I learned of him. I held that secrete in for a long time not wanting my mother to know that I knew, however it was a huge mistake of mine not confronting her right away because I harbored a lot of resentment and confusion towards her. I felt like she was hiding a part of me from me and I wanted to know him, what he looked like, if he was ok, if he has a loving family, does he have kids and so on.....I finally told my sister and we confronted her, her reaction was not very pleasant, I pulled a skeleton out of her closet and she was shocked. She refused to give me any info other than skimming the surface... It has been years, and years, since I have learned of him being that I am now 35. My mom married my dad at the age of 16, she said that my dad didn't believe that the baby was his and she was sooo young. Some how she managed to hide the pregnancy by moving to North Carolina and very few people knew. She swears that he was my dads, he didn't buy it. Who knows. My parents have since been divorced for a long time now but when I ask my dad, he simply says to discuss it with my mom. Well I'm not going to get anywhere with her. She said that she has made it easy for her to be found, and that she didn't want to disrupt his life. She wasn't sure if he knew that he was adopted and such. Any how sorry for going on, and on... you are the first person that seems to actually care to discuss it with me.
Thanks Christa
Hi,
Thank for responding. I do not know his name because I guess this was a big hush, hush secrete of my mothers. To my knowledge my grandparents don't even know that he exists. My Father was a marine and during this time he was in North Carolina. When I was about 15 or 16 I was listening in on one of my mothers phone conversations with her sister, This is when I learned of him. I held that secrete in for a long time not wanting my mother to know that I knew, however it was a huge mistake of mine not confronting her right away because I harbored a lot of resentment and confusion towards her. I felt like she was hiding a part of me from me and I wanted to know him, what he looked like, if he was ok, if he has a loving family, does he have kids and so on.....I finally told my sister and we confronted her, her reaction was not very pleasant, I pulled a skeleton out of her closet and she was shocked. She refused to give me any info other than skimming the surface... It has been years, and years, since I have learned of him being that I am now 35. My mom married my dad at the age of 16, she said that my dad didn't believe that the baby was his and she was sooo young. Some how she managed to hide the pregnancy by moving to North Carolina and very few people knew. She swears that he was my dads, he didn't buy it. Who knows. My parents have since been divorced for a long time now but when I ask my dad, he simply says to discuss it with my mom. Well I'm not going to get anywhere with her. She said that she has made it easy for her to be found, and that she didn't want to disrupt his life. She wasn't sure if he knew that he was adopted and such. Any how sorry for going on, and on... you are the first person that seems to actually care to discuss it with me.
Thanks Christa
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Hi,
Thank for responding. I do not know his name because I guess this was a big hush, hush secrete of my mothers. To my knowledge my grandparents don't even know that he exists. My Father was a marine and during this time he was in North Carolina. When I was about 15 or 16 I was listening in on one of my mothers phone conversations with her sister, This is when I learned of him. I held that secrete in for a long time not wanting my mother to know that I knew, however it was a huge mistake of mine not confronting her right away because I harbored a lot of resentment and confusion towards her. I felt like she was hiding a part of me from me and I wanted to know him, what he looked like, if he was ok, if he has a loving family, does he have kids and so on.....I finally told my sister and we confronted her, her reaction was not very pleasant, I pulled a skeleton out of her closet and she was shocked. She refused to give me any info other than skimming the surface... It has been years, and years, since I have learned of him being that I am now 35. My mom married my dad at the age of 16, she said that my dad didn't believe that the baby was his and she was sooo young. Some how she managed to hide the pregnancy by moving to North Carolina and very few people knew. She swears that he was my dads, he didn't buy it. Who knows. My parents have since been divorced for a long time now but when I ask my dad, he simply says to discuss it with my mom. Well I'm not going to get anywhere with her. She said that she has made it easy for her to be found, and that she didn't want to disrupt his life. She wasn't sure if he knew that he was adopted and such. Any how sorry for going on, and on... you are the first person that seems to actually care to discuss it with me.
Thanks Christa
Christa,
I'm glad you found this site - people here are mostly kind and willing to help, and you can discuss your brother here with people who will listen.
As a first step, I'd suggest signing up with the ISRR registry at [url=http://www.isrr.org]International Soundex Reunion Registry - ISRR[/url] - it's the biggest reunion registry. If your brother has signed up with them as well, once your information is put into the system, you'll be contacted that your info matches...
I will say that the more information you have, the more likely you are to have a successful search. Can you get your mother to give you ANYTHING - an exact birth date, a hospital, whether the adoption was through an agency or foster care or a private attorney - ANYTHING.
From what I see online, it looks like North Carolina is a confidential intermediary state. Which basically means that the will attempt to search and make contact on your behalf. Now, if a search is possible to do on your own, you're always best off doing it that way. But it's worth keeping in mind, in case you get nowhere with your own search. There's some information about the CIs here:
[url=http://www.ncdhhs.gov/dss/adoption/searchinfo.htm]NC DSS: Adoption[/url]
I do hope you're able to find your brother... Good luck.
Hi Christina,
I can definitely appreciate your wanting to find him, but with the information you have given me there is no way to assist you. You would have to have, at the VERY least, an approximate date of birth, where or not he was born at Naval Hospital Jacksonville, NC or Onslow County Hospital.
I might suggest instead of "confronting" your mother/father out of frustration or anger, ask out of concern, explain (CALMLY) how you are feeling and that all you want to do is make sure he's okay and knows he has additional siblings out there should he want that relationship.
My guess is, you can get an approximate year of birth, but the month would be crucial to getting ahold of the records. Also, finding out how, where, and when your parents placed him for adoption would be necessary.
Re-approach your Mom and Dad, calmly, out of concern for your brother. See if they will give you any additional information.
Irregardless of the drama (whether or not he's biologically your fathers), you do have a right to at least attempt to find him, but you are going to have to get more concrete data to start your quest.
You dad tells you to discuss it with your mother, I would go to him first. Remember, calmly explain why you want to search for him. Based off what you have told me, I would say he would be the most likely source of information.
Once you have an approx. (even month & year) of birth, go to the hospital records and request them from that facility. They may or may not release them to you, since you're not directly related to the issue, but there is an original birth certificate issued by the state of NC, having the medical records could help obtain those.
Also I would be shocked if that baby boy was able to be placed without your father having to sign a waiver of his legal rights (whether he thought the baby was his or not). So he probably knows how, where and when the baby was placed.
If you're able to get any of that information, let me know and I will do what I can to help you locate him.
Christina, I don't know if I'm your brother, but I was adopted at birth. I didn't find out I was adopted until I was 19. My birthdate is April 22, 1975. I was told my mother was young and my father was in the military. You're story has me shaking right now. My name is Jubal Satterthwaite. I don't know what my name was before.
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