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HI all I have been in reunion with my bmom and her family for 8 years now and have come to a point that I am not sure I want to continue the reunion as I feel I am being used. My twin bsisters who are 7 years younger than me and were raised by my bmom never want anything to do with me unless they need something and then they become my best friends. My bmom lives across the street from me and is always pushing my buttons to see how far she can push me. I have already been wrongly imprisoned by my bomom back in '07 and I still have tried everything to make this reunion work. I lost my birth grandmother last July and since then it all reallly went to pot. I am grateful that recently my bmom actually stepped up and helped me when I needed it and was the only one in my bfamily that did. So what can I do to let my sisters know that while I love them I want the relationship with them to be double sided. by that I mean that they need to come around more than just when they need something and how can I handle the situation with my bmom pushing my buttons, walking away doesn't work cuz she just follows me and pushes harder. :confused:
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For your sisters: Just learn how to say no, I can't help you, I'm sorry. Do let me know how it turns out. You don't owe any explanation for why you can't help, just that you can't right now, and don't know when you can so they need to solve it or ask someone else. If you want them to reach out more often are you reaching out to them? Relationships aren't a one-way street.
As to your bmom: you need to sit her down and tell her what your rules are, you won't allow her to continue to push buttons, either she wants a relationship, or not. That when she pushes a button you will tell her to stop, once. If she doesn't you will walk away, won't answer the phone, the door. You will get your answer as to whether she actually wants to have a loving relationship, or is just using you as her figurative punching bag.
No one says you must be in a relationship that isn't healthy for you. You should try to state and show what you require, what that relationship looks like, and what you will give back in a healthy two-way relationship.
Kind regards,
Dickons
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