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My high school sweetheart and I gave a baby away. I had three more kids later on. I am ashamed at what I did and my daughter claims all the issues she has we're from being adopted. Should I feel ashamed like it was a bad thing?
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Looking back and judging what you did is the easiest way to beat yourself up. I'm assuming you did what you did believing it was the right thing to do. Being adopted comes with some huge challenges for some, others not so much. Accept that her feelings are real, they are valid, just like your choices back then were valid. If you can tell yourself that if you had real options you would have kept her, tell her that. Tell her what you faced, how you felt, that you are willing to walk through her feelings with her. Life happens - you can't change the past, only the future is open... Reunion is HARD on both sides... Kind regards, Dickons PS - this forum is very quiet...hope someone with insight from your side of the reunion responds.
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It is always easier to blame our problems on something someone else did to us in the past. Your daughter may well have "issues" from being adopted; I was not adopted and I have "issues" from my past. Those issues were, in part, what caused me to choose adoption for my son because I didn't want him to grow up with the same "issues." In point of fact, all of us have events in our past that effect our present. It is up to us how we deal with them. I have no idea how old you are or what the circumstances were that led you and your girlfriend to place the child for adoption. This may be a good time to reflect on the reasons that you chose adoption. There are many reasons and I don't know yours. You can read my story by clicking on the link in my signature if you wish. I will tell you that forgiveness is possible -- your job is to work on forgiving yourself. (I say that because you say you are feeling ashamed.) You daughter has the choice to forgive you for "causing her issues" or not. You can't control that. All you can do is love her unconditionally and let her know that you do.
First of all, welcome Thomas! Glad you are here. :) Secondly, I hope you won't be hard on yourself. You care and want to make things better for her. It might be hard for your daughter to absorb all of that right now, but keep being a part of her life. Help her seek out resources. It will work out. -Spud :Chewie: