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Hello, I'm a birthmother for twenty-six years now. I and my bdaughter are in an open adoption. When it was time for us to reunite I made a big mistake. I got super spiritual and started preaching to everyone in my family, telling them their marriage was wrong (some of them) . I attacked her parent's marriage too and my bdaughter closed the door and we did not reunite. Her Amom was very angry and my bdaughter just didn't understand. I was hospitalized at the time. This happened about four years ago. I still want a reunion of some sort but I know it is out of the question. Can someone please tell me what to expect out of this? I don't know if I should keep trying to have some sort of relationship with her or just leave her alone to live her life forever.
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BMTexas, I've seen you post here over the years about what happened and that you criticized her parents for remarrying was against what the Bible said. Then, that you had some messages back and forth on FB for a few months later, but you were also upset that she had friended her brother and cousin, etc.. I'm very sorry that your reunion is not successful. It takes two people to have a relationship. It seems that your daughter has decided that for whatever personal reasons she can't be in a relationship with you. I know that isn't what you want to hear but it seems at this point - the ball is in her court. You need to respect that, and I know it is hard as I have experienced it on the flip side with my father - I can't do anything to change his mind, I have to respect his choice not to have a relationship with me. Once again, I'm sorry for how it turned out. Kind regards, Dickons
Yes, and it makes me so mad at myself for ruining everything for her. I'm just sick over it. I think I'm just going to take myself off facebook and just leave her alone for the rest of my life. I have tried to talk to her but now she's not responding. Perhaps she can reunite with my mom and her brothers and sisters. It just makes me sick but I have to move on from this and get on with my life. My prayer/hope is that some day I'll see her in the kingdom of God. Then maybe the walls between us will be torn down. I just hope it won't be like that forever. Thanks for the reply,Rhonda
Yes, and it makes me so mad at myself for ruining everything for her. I'm just sick over it. I think I'm just going to take myself off facebook and just leave her alone for the rest of my life. I have tried to talk to her but now she's not responding. Perhaps she can reunite with my mom and her brothers and sisters. It just makes me sick but I have to move on from this and get on with my life. My prayer/hope is that some day I'll see her in the kingdom of God. Then maybe the walls between us will be torn down. I just hope it won't be like that forever. Thanks for the reply, Rhonda
Have you apologized for the things you said? If not, that would be a great place to start. All you can do is apologize sincerely for the best, work to understand your self so that you don't offend again in the future, and accept whatever relationship she's open to having with you moving forward.
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I am an adult adoptee who searched and found my bio parents. Talking to anyone other than the adoptee is a no-no I believe. I have said this before, when someone has serious fears of abandonment or trust problems, and the bio relative talks to their support system it is just another example of the lack of trust you have in your child. It hurts to think that any bio relative would have talked to my family and friends, even if I was not fully honest. There were reasons for my acts of omission in my story or white lies to cover what I didn't think the relationship could quite handle yet. If you give the power of my story to someone else it is a method of showing a lack of trust in me. Trust is so fragile, especially when it is very new in a relationship. Please don't disappear though, this is the whole reason trust is so evasive in the first place! I know you feel like communicating should be easier than it is or that you believe that your daughter is so angry that the relationship should end to protect you both, but in reality she is trying to learn if she can trust you. Give her time, copious amounts of time with little contact so she has time to deal with the reality a little at a time. It is almost impossible to go through an entire lifetime of stories, especially when some are very painful just because someone wants the truth. She isn't ready for a full video of her life to be played to you yet. I hope this helps.