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RavenSong
Oh, I don't know, Belle -- since we're all so "selfless, brave, and courageous," maybe we were born to be saints or martyrs. :arrow: Seriously, I hear you. When I was a little girl playing house with my friends, I certainly didn't dream of giving my newborn son away to strangers some fine day. I know darn well that I never dreamt of never being able to have another child due to secondary infertility. :(
The childs birth mother is one of the most loving, unselfish and caring individuals on the planet,
If it wasnҒt for your sacrifice, there is no telling where Id be
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Btw I hope my above post came out the way it was supposed to. It might sound as if I am judging my own bmother for making the decision she did. The following is what I said in an email once to my bmother's host family and, years later, I might only change it slightly: The only thing I might change is to make it clear that WHATEVER decision she made, whether to raise me or adopt me out, would have been a difficult and loving decision - i.e. I think she was a good and loving person in herself - I don't define her love by her specific decision.
If I could speak to X (bmom), I would reassure her that I have had a happy life and that I had very loving family, and that I understand what a difficult and loving decision she made. Though I may never have known her, there will always be a special place in my heart for her, and I feel very proud that I am her daughter.
RavenSong
Oh, I don't know, Belle -- since we're all so "selfless, brave, and courageous," maybe we were born to be saints or martyrs. :arrow: Seriously, I hear you. When I was a little girl playing house with my friends, I certainly didn't dream of giving my newborn son away to strangers some fine day. I know darn well that I never dreamt of never being able to have another child due to secondary infertility. :(
Raven, your (sarcastic) comment of dreaming of placing your firstborn reminded me of a recurring dream I had over the years of giving birth and placing another child. It happened after I had my other two children and probably was because I wanted more children and my husband didn't. Occasionally, I would wake confused and wonder how many children I had placed! One thing I learned long ago -- even if you have other children, your arms are forever empty. More children do not replace the one you lost.
kakuehl
Raven, your (sarcastic) comment of dreaming of placing your firstborn reminded me of a recurring dream I had over the years of giving birth and placing another child. It happened after I had my other two children and probably was because I wanted more children and my husband didn't. Occasionally, I would wake confused and wonder how many children I had placed! One thing I learned long ago -- even if you have other children, your arms are forever empty. More children do not replace the one you lost.
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This is a great thread. But should there be a whole separate group on the forums for supporting mothers who chose to parent? Would that maybe help counter some of the coercion? So it would be, for example, for pregnant women and post partum moms who made an adoption plan initially, then chose to parent instead (and others posting solely to support their decision). Some of the disrespect on the forums astounds me. On one recent thread on babycenter, a woman asked if she it was selfish to choose adoption, then on page 7 of replies decided to keep her baby. Several replies immediately after that one begged this stranger to "please" give her baby up instead!? What?? She didn't state any facts that would lead a stranger to beg her to do that. It was downright bizarre.The thing that got me even more than that was that of the thousands of people on that site no one pointed out to those posters how odd it is to beg some stranger to give her baby away to some other stranger because please, you want her to do it. On that site I have on my automatic signature a link to a grassroots group that helps women stay with their babies and when I posted a totally unrelated post, someone came back and said "that is a very hurtful link in your signature line, this is no place for anti-adoption". I'm not even going to humor that with a response.