Advertisements
Advertisements
Hello Forum! I haven't posted for quite a long time.
After trying on my own for awhile, or rather: after not doing anything for awhile, after finding information on my own, I've now got paperwork for a Confidential Intermediary. Now I'm wondering about this arrangement.
One of the items on the form is to tell everything I know about my birth family. The same question is asked for the petition to the court. So I want to know just how much should I tell? Just the facts that have been handed to me, or everything I've ever found out from my own searching and attempts to contact? How many days a week on average I check Facebook pages? How birthmother's grandson looked in his tux for the prom?? I suspect they frown on non-official d.i.y. contact, but I don't know.
Also, does the C.I. get the same answer as the court petition?
Is a C.I. an agent of the court, an agent for me, or truly intermediary?
And finally, is all this second guessing normal, or is it an adoptee's nothing-is-what-it-seems paranoia?
Hi:
My name is Terri and I am an adoption angel.
You should tell the CI everything. They can make you or break you. They represent the state but if you get a nice person it can really go a long way toward helping you. Once you are assigned someone you will want to talk to them by phone as often as possible and develop as much of a good rapport as possible. You will try to talk to them each time you make a new effort and let them know the outcome (that is if you don't get a crusty old grump).
As far as filling out the form I would give them all the facts you know plus every effort you have made and continue to make. I'd save the tux part and such for ongoing chats with the CI who, if they are truly friendly and have a heart (luck of the draw) will find the tidbits tug at their heartstrings.
I've heard of some CIs turning over copies of birth certs for basically no good reason and others who are secretive to the point of paranoia. You will soon figure out what you've got and can play it from there. I have my fingers crossed you get a good one!
Best of luck,
Terri England, Adoption Angel
Advertisements