We have had a roller coaster for the last several weeks. The Biological Parents of our foster children (Boy 6, Girl 3) had court last Wednesday and the children were all set to go back to Mom (again) and everyone recommended a trial placement (again).
WELL - at court last Wednesday, DSS asked Biological Parents to go do a drug test before court at 2 p.m. Parents go next door and get caught with trying to pass off someone else's urine as their own. They were caught because they heard Biological Dad unscrew the top and then he dropped the borrowed urine down the front of his pants!! So when court started at two, the parents did not even bother to show up. Judge stopped all visits and continued the case in 30 days. We had to tell the boy (6) that he was not going back to live with Mom and he called us all 'liars'.
I had asked DSS to find him another home and I really tried to convince them to separate the children but they refused. They finally found another home to take both of them and I dropped them off on Sunday with a lot of mixed emotions. The little girl and I had a very special relationship. When the SW told her she was moving to another family, she told us she would run away or hide. The SW got all teared up and said she had never said that before.......
The funny thing is that I did not want a 3 year old and we both ended up really enjoying her.
I like the new foster family (no kids, never fostered before) but I can not help but think she has no idea what she is getting into. It was obvious that DSS had only given them part of the history. Her first comment to me when the kids got out of the car was 'Oh, I hope I get to adopt them!'. I told her she may want to live with them for awhile before making that decision.
I was upset for a couple of days but now I feel a peacefulness that I have not felt in a long time.
I really hope our next placement is more positive than this one.
Fostering to adopt can be very stressful. We have 3 foster kids siblings...4 year old boy, 2 year old boy, and 18 month old girl. The 4 year old has been in the system for over 2 years now. Biological mom has hardly even tried to bond with him or siblings. Doesnt even acknowledge the girl (she has been in system since birth).
The court hearings have been dragging on now for months since they were placed with us in Dec. Every hearing has been postponed til the following month. Tomorrow is another hearing so we are hoping the judge will finally do what is best for the kids which is adoption. The Biological mom had her 8th kid in dec with dif dad (so while her three kids have been in foster care she went off dating another one getting knocked up again). The older kids are from another father....so 3 fathers, 8 kids. At the last visit she wasnt even allowed to bring food this time (she has brought food every single visit....so that is all she did with them for an hour was eat). So she never knew how hyper the 4 year old was (being tested for ADHD and other things). She was so shocked she complained. She kept asking him what is wrong with him and even said to his face he was acting crazy....telling this to a 4 year old. She sat the entire time...sofa and floor. She did not play with them and toys or anything. The girl doesnt gravitate towards her at any visit and this time was playing but still didnt care about the Biological mom and the Biological mom didnt even try to play or bond with her. She just kept trying to force her to sit on the sofa when she didnt want to sit. She also insisted that the kids had lice....caseworker had us take all 3 to urgent care to be checked, NO LICE. This is not the first time Biological mom tries to make accusations. Every visit right before hearing Biological mom comes up with a new one....always trying to find something wrong to make us look bad. She even complained about the kids being in an English only speaking home. She insisted the last home spoke spanish so the kids knew spanish which was why the 4 year old has speech issues......these kids do not know any spanish what so ever. The 4 year old was speaking english the very first minute he arrived, his siblings didnt even know how to talk. If you say anything in spanish, he has no clue what you said.
So it is stressfull. Def a roller coaster. The only issue i find in your post was you wanting the siblings split up. I would never ask for that unless the child was a threat to the safety of the other child (like he tries to kill them or something). Siblings should always remain together, regardless of age, regardless of teh issues...unless the child is a significant threat. I was adopted with a sibling, but separated from another sibling....only got to have visits with her once a month, after adoption it turned into 1-2 times a year, and later years. My mom wanted us to have more visitation, but the ones who adopted my youngest sister didnt (paternal grandparents adopted her). She was very close in age to us to. She was only 2 years younger than me, my other sister who was adopted with me was only 1 year younger. Also separated from 2 older siblings...dont even know them (one apparently died). I was only 3 when separated. So I would not suggest ever trying to do that with siblings. Not fair to them.
As for the new family wanting to adopt, perhaps they are open to all the issues. By law, caseworkers have to disclose all known issues...behavioral and emotional. So if for some reason the whole story was not disclosed, then the caseworker is risking being sued in the future and could lose her job over it. So I am sure she knows more than you think, she is just more open to the behaviors...possibly because this is her first placement and first time being a foster parent.
Wishing you the best. Hope everything works out for you.
Fostering to adopt can be very stressful. We have 3 foster kids siblings...4 year old boy, 2 year old boy, and 18 month old girl. The 4 year old has been in the system for over 2 years now. Biological mom has hardly even tried to bond with him or siblings. Doesnt even acknowledge the girl (she has been in system since birth).
The court hearings have been dragging on now for months since they were placed with us in Dec. Every hearing has been postponed til the following month. Tomorrow is another hearing so we are hoping the judge will finally do what is best for the kids which is adoption. The Biological mom had her 8th kid in dec with dif dad (so while her three kids have been in foster care she went off dating another one getting knocked up again). The older kids are from another father....so 3 fathers, 8 kids. At the last visit she wasnt even allowed to bring food this time (she has brought food every single visit....so that is all she did with them for an hour was eat). So she never knew how hyper the 4 year old was (being tested for ADHD and other things). She was so shocked she complained. She kept asking him what is wrong with him and even said to his face he was acting crazy....telling this to a 4 year old. She sat the entire time...sofa and floor. She did not play with them and toys or anything. The girl doesnt gravitate towards her at any visit and this time was playing but still didnt care about the Biological mom and the Biological mom didnt even try to play or bond with her. She just kept trying to force her to sit on the sofa when she didnt want to sit. She also insisted that the kids had lice....caseworker had us take all 3 to urgent care to be checked, NO LICE. This is not the first time Biological mom tries to make accusations. Every visit right before hearing Biological mom comes up with a new one....always trying to find something wrong to make us look bad. She even complained about the kids being in an English only speaking home. She insisted the last home spoke spanish so the kids knew spanish which was why the 4 year old has speech issues......these kids do not know any spanish what so ever. The 4 year old was speaking english the very first minute he arrived, his siblings didnt even know how to talk. If you say anything in spanish, he has no clue what you said.
So it is stressfull. Def a roller coaster. The only issue i find in your post was you wanting the siblings split up. I would never ask for that unless the child was a threat to the safety of the other child (like he tries to kill them or something). Siblings should always remain together, regardless of age, regardless of teh issues...unless the child is a significant threat. I was adopted with a sibling, but separated from another sibling....only got to have visits with her once a month, after adoption it turned into 1-2 times a year, and later years. My mom wanted us to have more visitation, but the ones who adopted my youngest sister didnt (paternal grandparents adopted her). She was very close in age to us to. She was only 2 years younger than me, my other sister who was adopted with me was only 1 year younger. Also separated from 2 older siblings...dont even know them (one apparently died). I was only 3 when separated. So I would not suggest ever trying to do that with siblings. Not fair to them.
As for the new family wanting to adopt, perhaps they are open to all the issues. By law, caseworkers have to disclose all known issues...behavioral and emotional. So if for some reason the whole story was not disclosed, then the caseworker is risking being sued in the future and could lose her job over it. So I am sure she knows more than you think, she is just more open to the behaviors...possibly because this is her first placement and first time being a foster parent.
Wishing you the best. Hope everything works out for you.
SC1990
The only issue i find in your post was you wanting the siblings split up. I would never ask for that unless the child was a threat to the safety of the other child (like he tries to kill them or something). Siblings should always remain together, regardless of age, regardless of teh issues...unless the child is a significant threat.
She's caught the brother ( 6 years old)necked on top of the sister (3 years old)several time, With a complete erection. The sister is a screwed of the brother, the brother is violent.
Lake_mom
Her first comment to me when the kids got out of the car was 'Oh, I hope I get to adopt them!'. I told her she may want to live with them for awhile before making that decision.
I imagine, she will get the shock of her life, when she witness the boy on top of the girl necked. But she should have been warned, but I'm betting she wasn't. She was probably told you couldn't handle normal kids, put the blame on you.
SC1990
The only issue i find in your post was you wanting the siblings split up. I would never ask for that unless the child was a threat to the safety of the other child (like he tries to kill them or something). Siblings should always remain together, regardless of age, regardless of teh issues...unless the child is a significant threat.
In lake moms past posts about the kids there is a very good possibility that the boy is molesting the 3 year old girl. The cw keeps looking the other way just to move the case along to try to RU. If I remember correctly, it's that issue that caused disruption in the first place. Same issue was also reported by former foster home.
Lake mom, I'm glad you got some peace in your decision to have them moved. I hope that little girl is kept safe! Such a sad situation!