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It's been a while since I was here and WOW, this forum has changed! I am still trying to figure out the new setup. Back to the point of my post... When bios relinquished 15 days before TPR trial was set back in October, BioMom was pregnant. She had the baby (another girl) at the end of March. At that time (and now) we did a LOT of soul searching and decided we would NOT be a resource for the baby if it came into care. Well, guess what? A new case has been opened for the baby. I got a call from a new caseworker asking if I knew of bios whereabouts as a call had been made to the hotline regarding the baby. Here's where it gets tricky. Apparently Biodad saw my name on some computer screen when he went to drug test and is now assuming I was the one who called in to the hotline. We maintain contact with maternal great grandparents and she called me to ask if I had reported. I assured her it wasn't me and everything went well with the rest of our call but I am just in a wierd place knowing that there is now another case open and worrying about this baby. We finalized on our two girls and we are pretty much done as far as foster/adopt goes but I was told by the caseworker looking for bios that we would be called if baby is brought into care, despite knowing we are not prepared to re-traumatize our girls with a new case involving their bios. Much more has come out about the abuse our girls suffered and my heart is heavy thinking of this new baby. I just needed to vent and ask for prayers/good thoughts because I am so torn. I really want nothing to do with bios in a new case but it's weighing on my heart knowing what's in store for this little one.
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I think you need to trust your instincts and protect your children first. You have already decided that your family is complete. Leave it at that. If the bios are young enough, this could go on for years - getting pregnant when the current baby is taken away. At what point will you put your foot down?
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It might ease your heart to know also that there are a lot of foster parents out there that will be excited to have a new little baby to love on, and hopefully will still have some deep reserves to deal with these parents. And at some point hopefully you can establish a relationship with the baby for their sisters.
I am in a similar boat with Pumpkin. What really gnaws away at me is the knowledge of all the people failing Pumpkin and her baby brother. Their parents are failing them. Their family is failing them. The system is failing them. They don't know it now, but they will some day. Is that a list I want to be on? The thought is crushing. But so is the idea of starting a new case. With me, the workers are not pushing me to take BB, just the opposite. I know a case has been opened on BB because we attended the PPM. But the workers keep telling me that doesn't mean anything. That without a specific reason from biomom's part, BB will not come into care. They tell me not to think about it. They want me to jump on the idea of adopting Pumpkin with no regard whatsoever for BB, or that they get adopted together. What am I supposed to do with that? BB would be a dream placement for a family looking to adopt a baby. So would BB and Pumpkin together. They could go to a family that doesn't already have four other children in a not-big-enough house. They could end up the only children of a six-figure family. And I am so burnt out on fostering. These are the things banging around in the back of my mind. I'm leaning towards taking BB. Mainly because the idea of making Pumpkin go through another family upheaval is as painful to me as the idea of losing her. Or I could just follow the advice and example of all the workers and let BB be the next worker and family's problem. In the CW's words, "It's not like they have a bond anyway."So there it is. I have no good advice, because my clarity meter is bouncing all over the place too. I offer my thoughts and a prayer that both our situations work out for the best. Whatever that ends up being.