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My husband and I have a very public infertility problem, and I was approached about three weeks ago by a girl I went to school with who was pregnant but wanted to give the baby up for adoption. She is six months pregnant now. Her family does not support it at all but her boyfriend does. She has a one year old and is raising her boyfriends two year old as well and doesn't feel like they can give another child the life it deserves right now. She is doing some things that I'm not entirely sure about though. She has invited us to their house a few times and we have had multiple public visits at the park. We have gone on several outings together - zoo pool dinner etc. We even watched her one year old one day while she was sick. She wants to give us her first sons old clothes and baby gear - and keeps saying otherwise it just goes to goodwill. I guess since we aren't going through an agency and have instead hired a lawyer I don't know where to bounce this info at? She's given us ultrasounds and invited us to OBGYN appointments Should any of this alarm me?
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I don't think you should be alarmed at all. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with this woman. Without the guidance of an agency you will need to basically form your relationship in the way that feels most natural to you. If you end up adopting this baby you will have set such a great foundation for your future relationship. Having a chance to go to the doctor's appointments is magical. If you cannot experience the pregnancy yourself, then being at the appointments takes you about as close as you can get in these circumstances. It's so generous of her to invite you to the visits. I would say it's best that you don't refer to the baby as yours or otherwise influence her in any way. You want her to come to this decision on her own without feeling pressure from you. Take cues from her as to how much to talk about the baby. Focusing on supporting her during this process. It's not about you or, even the baby, right now. The expectant mother is your priority. Ask about how she feels and if she mentions the baby then it's a cue that it's okay for you to mention the baby.Personally, babysitting her child while she was there would have made me uncomfortable (kind of like a job interview) but it sounds like you handled it well. I'm sure she was grateful for the extra rest and she was glad to see you interacting with children. Since she's been to your home, she has a visual of what this baby's life would be like. It probably reassured her. The better you know each other, the more confident you can both be about potential adoption. Best wishes to you and this expectant mom!
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Also, the clothes thing seems totally normal. It is up to you if you want to actually use them, but it's sweet that she would want to pass them on to you. It's tough that her family doesn't support her. Hopefully, she has a support system of friends. If the father of the baby supports her that is the main thing. So much of this is out of your hands. Just offer the support you can, be there when she needs you and give her space when she seems to need that.