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Recap:
Tarzan has been with us for 10 months. His baby sister (born addicted to cocaine) came to us 3 months ago. SW says Tarzan's next court date they are going for TPR and hopefully adoption by us. The children's grandfather's half brother and his wife have petitioned for the baby. Couple months later after realizing that Tarzan isn't the the wild little boy they remembered, they want to petition for him now too. He doesn't know them and hasn't seen them in a very long time. He is bonded with us and has lost one family, this would be yet another loss for him. I met the Uncle/Aunt yesterday. They seem like ok people, but the aunt seems pretty sure of herself that these are now her kids. ugh... I know being with family is what we work for and when I thought they were going to live with Grandpa I was supporting that, but how on earth is it better to rip them from our family which they know as Mommy, Daddy,Sisters, Papa, Uncles, Aunts Cousins, etc. for these people that may be blood but aren't family at all.
When Uncle/Aunt arrived for the visit they took the baby from Grandpa and wouldn't let him have anything to do with the baby. That's not supporting the family's relationships! I send Grandpa pictures and updates regularly and have agreed to keep a relationship between him and the kids if we get to adopt.
What are chances that we will lose these babies to these so-called family members.
I think the replies are lacking because there is no easy way to respond. Firstly, I'm very sorry for the pain you are in. I know the uncertainty and dread you are feeling. Now the hard part. These family members are putting in a legal petition and have started visits. I would take that as a sign that the county is on board with them. If they were "backing" you as the permanent option, now is when the CW usually starts talking about bonding assessments and therapist. In my area, foster parents have no legal recourse until the child/children have been in their home for two full years.
Nothing is certain until the judge bangs the gavel. But to me it seems that the relatives changing their minds is the only thing that will hold them back from getting custody.
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Normally, if your County is setting up visits, they are a viable option. Truly sucks when you want to adopt. So I would see what the transition plan is. No, it doesn't mean that you want them to move, but it gives you an idea what is truly happening behind the scenes. Just because family transitions, doesn't mean that family will follow through. Sometime one partner in the marriage is gung-ho while the other is concerned about the long term ramifications of their decisions. This isn't babysitting, its full-time parenting.
No easy answer, my crystal ball stopped working several years ago. Ironically, right when we started fostering. :) Sarcasm aside, I don't know and I'm not sure anyone else does either.
I can tell you from personal experience, that when kids first come into care and there is all the chaos and hard behaviors, family members are scared to even come near. They distance themselves from the children and the family (members) caring for them. It is quite interesting how suddenly they have become the judges of those who stepped up to help, all the while not willing to step up themselves.
However, after all the hard work is done and the kids are stabilized, they seem to want to swoop in and reap the benefits of all that hard work. In my case, I got the feeling they saw the kids as 'fixed' and 'normal', not realizing there were lasting effects of both trauma and abuse/neglect. What they saw were cute kids who were family.
Again, my personal experience, not set-in-stone experience for every situation.
Thanks for the replies. I guess I knew no one would have answers. Just needed to get it out there. I had worked at being ready to let go. Making big plans for us and my girls when the two littles left, just to kind of keep our minds off of things. Monday the SW came by and said she thinks that the GAL and Judge will not want to disrupt Tarzan as his progress is unbelievable and changing that would not be good for him. If it happens that he stays with us then the chances of Teeny_weeny staying so they don't get separated increases too. I've arranged a visit with grandpa this weekend that I did on my own. I hope the bios will see that I am willing to keep them involved with the kids even more than their own family. Maybe their input will help us out.
I think it's the not knowing. If it is going to happen, I'd like to know, because Tarzan will need a ton of support to make it happen successfully. I've just seen so much change in his comfort levels even since their visit. It was like, when he saw them but still came home with us, he was relieved and I guess in many ways he feels like, its more proof that we aren't going to leave him. SO what happens, when we have to leave him. Then the people he could count on fail him. I don't want to add that to the trauma he has already experienced. I want to start talking to him about his future. When he asks about school next year, and if he can play tee-ball, and christmas, etc. - I don't want to lie, but I can't tell him and he needs to be able to talk about it.