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Hello everyone! I'm new here. My husband and I are looking to adopt but we don't know the first thing. All we know is that we would most like twin girls. We don't know much about adoption and so we are looking for any and all information you folks are willing to give us about adopting for the first time. If links are allowed on these forums, we'd appreciate any articles or resources you all found useful when adopting as well.
Thank you!
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Ask yourself some questions, first.1. Are you open to both domestic and international adoption? 2. If you are open to international adoption, go to the U.S. State Department website at adoption.state.gov, and click on the country list to read about countries open to adoption, the characteristics of the available children, the requirements for prospective parents, etc. If you would prefer domestic adoption, do you want to go through an agency, a state foster care program, or private adoption (where you use a social worker and an attorney to finalize, but where you identify the child on your own.3. Are you open to all races and ethnicities, or do you want a chikl who "matches" your family?4. Are you committed to having a newborn -- impossible with international adoption -- or are you open to an infant, toddler, preschooler, school aged child, or teen?5. Are you seeking a child with no KNOWN special needs, or are you open to a child who has some level of special needs, ranging from mild (like an extra toe, not part of a syndrome) to severe (major heart defect)? If you will accept special needs, will you accept only children whose issues are correctable, or are you open to a child who will have the issue for life -- for example, Down's syndrome or a missing arm?6. Once you have figured out your feelings about these questions, you can begin looking for an agency (assuming that you will use one). I'll be happy to talk to you more about questions to consider in choosing an agency -- and no, I'm not affiliated with any agency. Sharon
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First of all you should select an agency. The agency should be licensed in a state wherever you live. Contact various agencies ask about their fee structure and what type of children they place. It is your responsibility to ask which legal services will be provided by their agency and which services you may be responsible for on your own. You can even consult to law firm for free.
Going into adoption with the intention of adopting twins is probably not realistic. While there are twins placed for adoption, I have never heard of an agency that placed enough twins that they would allow potential adoptive parents to specify twins. Some agencies will not even allow specifying gender, and even if they do, specifying gender will frequently make the wait to adopt longer. This is assuming that you are looking into adopting a newborn domestically or adopting internationally. Adopting through the U.S. foster care system, you can specify that you want to adopt a sibling group, and it is possible that there may be female twins in need of a home. However, in that case, they are likely to be older children, and your preference for twins will not be a factor considered in placing with you; they will look instead at whether you would be the best family for them based on the children's needs and preferences.
Let me agree with Ruth74. Twins are relatively rare in the total child population, and even more rare in the population of adoptable children, so if you have a strong desire for twins, you could wind up waiting a very long time for a match.Also, twins have a higher risk of health issues, especially in their early years, than most children. As an example, many twins are born prematurely, start out very small, and have issues related to those factors. With good medical care, many of the children will do as well, long term, as non-twins. However, many will have lifelong issues related to their early situation. These issues may be minor or severe.. As an example, some twins have asthma, related to the fact that their lungs were underdeveloped at birth; that's pretty minor. Some twins have poor vision, related to underdeveloped vision at birth; that's correctable with glasses, in some, but not all, cases. Hearing can also be affected by prematurity. Some twins have heart problems that may need surgery; in some cases, a surgery soon after birth is all that's needed, but in other cases, there may be longer term issues. Some twins wind up with cerebral palsy. Twins also have a higher risk of intellectual problems, though there are many who wind up being normal or even gifted. Be sure to talk to doctors before deciding that you really want twins, and make sure that you will have good insurance to care for any twin-related issues that occur.Raising twins isn't easy, and many families of twins secretly admit that they wish their two had arrived separately. If you are contemplating adoptive breastfeeding, be aware that breastfeeding twins can be quite a challenge in terms of milk supply, nipple soreness, dealing with the babies' different schedules, and so on. Once the babies are a little older, you'll find that two infants or toddlers often give you quite a busy day. With identical twins, some develop a bond with each other that makes it more difficult for them to bond with their parents; they may even develop their own "language". Nurturing the individuality of each twin isn't easy, as society seems to think that twins should dress alike and do the same things, while the twins may have totally different ideas on the subject (as they should). Paying for twice as many clothes, twice as many dental and doctor visits, twice as many car seats and cribs, and so on is difficult in the early years -- but it gets even worse as the two kids get older, and there are two with orthodontic issues, two going to college, and so on.Yes, twins are adorable. But be aware that there will be far more challenges in parenting twins than you may have imagined. Sharon
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