Hard topic...

I intermittently kept a diary during my adolescence, and the first time I mentioned wanting to kill myself, I was 11. That's the same age that my second adoption occurred -- the one that was granted based on the statement made by *the adults in the family* that I had "adjusted well and was eager to be adopted." Neither was true, but apparently no one in authority thought it was important to ask me what *I* wanted.I never actually attempted suicide, although I did once attempt TO attempt it. Had I had access to an easier method (pills), I probably would have gone through with it.And almost 50 years later, I still regret not carrying out the attempt.

AA,I'm sorry.I wish you had never had to experience any of that, I wish you'd have the right to voice what you wanted, I wish you'd had an ally to back up your voice. I know there are laws now that respect the voice of the adoptee in whether to be adopted or not - I hope any child in that situation has the strength inside them, that you have inside you.I am glad I have been able to get to know you a wee bit anyway.Hugs,D

The age of consent in that state is 12, but even at 11 SOMEONE should have asked my opinion and then taken it into consideration before allowing the adoption to continue.I'm not posting this for sympathy (although I thank you, Dickons), but to show that adoptee suicidal thoughts are not new, and they can start very early. Unfortunately, the general public is blissfully unaware -- and when adoptee suicides DO happen to make the news, it's always a problem with the adoptee (or a specific situation), not adoption, itself.

AA,Thank you for sharing what might have made a difference in your case. I do agree - at 11, someone should have asked. When J was FIVE, she was even given a voice in court. At 11 - of course you have an opinion!Once finalization occurred, do you think there was anything someone could have done to make a difference? I ask, both as an A-mom.. and as someone whose lost a couple loved nes to suicide. I never want another one i care about to go through thisthank you

Ideally? CPS stepping in to stop the abuse, then being removed from the home and placed in a group/foster home until I was 18. At the very least -- counseling for the entire family. However, my a-father repeatedly said he didn't believe in it (and, of course, there was nothing wrong with HIM or his wife, all the problems were MINE) and refused to even consider it.Honestly, the adoption shouldn't have happened and, once it did, nothing was ever going to make it a good thing.Caveat: my adoption experience is atypical ..... taken from my birth mother when I was already old enough (16 months) to have formed a strong bond with her, rehomed by my first adoptive father when I was 10 because his wife died, and ending up with relatives who didn't like me and only took me in because of a sense of responsibility.

This topic breaks my heart. I too am sorry for what you went through AA. No kid should ever feel like they don't have options or positive alternatives to unpleasant situations.