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We have just had one h*** of a summer and no sights of a slow down. I am feeling myself, daily, get more and more depressed. How do you stay sane when a child seems hell bent on pushing you away, blaming you for their unhappiness and who just goes around acting like a older teenage jerk? I do love this boy but he is really trying to be unlovable. My wife and I are trying so damn hard and all we get is blame. We aren't throwing in the towel - we made the commitment to not be one of the many, many adults who have let him down but I am tired. We need respite but we cant just put him in another foster home for a weekend while we go on vacation.
Sorry - I know I'm a Debbie Downer - How do you all stay sane? I know we aren't the only ones struggling....
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It's hard. We had one of those and we did end up having to disrupt bc she was causing problems with the other, much younger child we had in the house. I found that when she was on total lock-down (no going out with friends, no access to cell phone or computer), she actually had the best behavior and started to act family oriented. Not sure what consequences you are putting in place with him, but just wanted to give you my experience.
How old? I needed similar respite but didn't want them to be "rejected " and left behind so the 12 year old goes to school based day care once a week to meet up with friends, take field trips ;and give me a much needed break).
If he's older get him a mentor to spend an evening with him once a week to give you a break.
The song Unwell plays through my head a lot...
Sorry to hear about your niece, prayers continue. Maybe one day...
I love the answer "you dont" LOL!
He is 17. I'm truly hoping that the routine of school will make some of this better.... I won't put him in respite so I can have a weekend away but I think we managed to put something together so we (and he) can have a break... Attachment Disorder is really, really hard but the one thing that it does give is a road map - if you want it to get better, you stick it out...
Yesterday was good. I think that when things are good, we just have to soak it all in so we can handle the harder times. It definitely is a roller coaster ride.
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Thick skin makes you sane. These kids are in an emotional transition due to their starts. Their emotional stability is compromised....and it should not affect your emotional stability. Do not take it personal. Don't know your situation to precision, but I do know from experience that attachment issues from mild to reactive attachment is based on upon many things, the sense of no control over situations (most in the past and unresolved or not mentally worked through to full comprehension and closure), . Other things are the testing of those around. They are in transition and view most things as transitional. This is what I have done: I make sure that their needs are being met and looked after, I am firm, but gentle and steady with any plan for the day....so that they know what to expect. This becomes reliability and accountability. They will put this to the challenge, but do not take anything personal Thick skin makes you sane.
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