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I have an extremely tough case. After over 2.5 years, the case has no end in sight. Because the parents are meeting the minimal standards, RU has started with two of the developmentally delayed children, but the case plan has not changed. I still have the other two. Behaviors have amplified, and I am still taking the constant abuse from the mother. After finding out one is back to self harming and the other is acting out sexually, I asked my agency to disrupt in order to protect my family from more allegations from the parents. I should have changed agencies before, but I thought I should wait out this placement. My agency was not happy that I wanted to disrupt and told me it is not in the children's best interest; however, nothing has been in the kids' best interests lately. It was recommended that I close my home if I disrupt, but also told I was an amazing foster parent. I was told my agency could not "in good faith" support me in disrupting. I was told I would not receive more placements if my license remains open. I am so hurt. I have dealt with everything imaginable on this case. Everything. And I get blacklisted for wanting to protect my kids and husband from allegations?
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Thank you for your response. I really appreciate it. Unfortunately I wasn't given that option. The younger ones are already spending half the week with the parents and will be sent to live there full time very soon. That is a whole other sad story. Yes, I am very worried about allegations. I feel like all I do is cover my butt for the past two years. I am always documenting. I can't do line of sight when I am at work. The incident happened at daycare. I just can't believe my agency won't support me.
Last update on July 28, 2:06 am by peaceforall for all.
One of my friends referred me to her agency. I spoke to a LW. She seemed eager to take me on. The children's therapist also referred me to another agency.
The children's therapist also prepared me for the upcoming meeting; she said to wear body armor and not take anything personally. She said this is the most challenging case of her career, and she hasn't seen anything as bad as this case. She completely understood why I needed to disrupt. She is afraid the meeting will be nasty, and team members will try to point fingers at me. Has anyone else been through this? I feel so alone. I have the babies back for a couple days before they go back to "minimal standards ". I am trying so hard to be optimistic about their future, but it is hard. I am super sad. I gave these children the best life I could. I hate the system right now. Playing Russian Roulette with two toddlers is just wrong. I will soon find out if the other two will go to another FM or also RU. I did what was best for my family, but the pain is unbelievable.
Last update on July 28, 2:56 pm by peaceforall for all.
Does your agency or county the kids were placed through have a foster parent advocate that you can take with you to the meeting? It might be nice to have someone there for you. I know that my county did. You might google foster parent support. Or call the other agencies you have spoken with and ask. Wear your armor indeed. And try to remember, if what they are saying is wrong or not true, then it just isn't. You first obligation is always to your family. It is not in the kids best interest to be disrupted but it is worse for your intact family to be disrupted because of false allegations. You agreed to do this to help families. Because of the situations and the way the case has been handled, that goal is no longer being met. While not ideal, I am sure you were also prepared to deal with that possibility. You draw a hard line when your family is put at risk because of a placement. The are welcome to say, think or believe anything they want and it is precisely for that reason that you are disrupting. Be polite. Don't lose your temper. Mention that you have the greatest respect for the difficulty of the jobs that they do. I mean really, can you imagine how hard it is for them to find someone to blame to cover themselves every day on every case? They have to work hard to pull this off. Just keep it in your mind that you don't have to work hard to pull off the truth and your only skin in the game is your foster license. You can make the choice to walk away.
By the way, you did the right thing. No agency worth their salt would try to get you to keep a kid you want to disrupt (even if it really is al your fault and you are the crappiest foster parent in the world) by threatening to not give you more kids if you disrupt. If you are that bad at this, they should be happy to get the kids away from you, and then tell you they will not make anymore placements with you. I promise you, agencies that do this to people have reputations. You will not have the same problem somewhere else.
Finally, if you can't handle the emotion of the meeting, it might make more sense to send your husband if he is better at playing the "I am totally listening to you" card than you are.
The system never ceases to amaze me. I'm dealing with something similar myself. Questioning whether they really plan on adopting out only one of a mother's children while leaving the other with her. If she is fit to parent, then she's fit to parent. If not...you get it. The only thing I have figured out after five years of foster care is that it does no good to ask the people in charge.
I agree with the therapist and especially BestMomEver. Knowing now that the agency is ticked with you, expect NO help from them whatsoever. More likely EVERYTHING will get blamed on you by everyone in the room. If you can get representation, that would be best. At least have someone there for support. Best of luck to you.
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