Advertisements
Advertisements
What advice do you have for birth mom involvement in the weeks following birth? Our birth mom is a close friend, and has mentioned several times that she would like to watch or stay with the baby during her medical leave (c-section) after birth, so that I can go to work if I need to. I'm taking maternity leave, but she insists that her caring for him is an option I should consider. She assures me that she isn't changing her mind, and that she just wants to help (I believe her). However, something tells me that her having any kind of care-giving roll in those first months after she's made her final decision to give the child to us is a very bad idea - for the sake of her emotional health and ours. Am I entirely wrong in that? We do have some post-trauma from failed adoption and a horrible foster care experience, so I'm not saying I'm the best person to make this decision. I do care about her emotional health above all at this point, but I also worry about my ability to attach as mommy - I know naturally I will be inclined to take a back-seat if she's around a lot in the beginning and that's not a good way for me to form a healthy attachment to the baby.
Edit to clarify: I support her uncensored involvement, but I want what will aid best in a smooth transition. I'm just having trouble deciphering between thoughts that arise from wanting to protect everyone's well-being and those that arise from fear of loss.
Advice?
Last update on July 30, 10:36 am by ValleyMom.
Sorry for the slow reply. While in her heart , she could be trying to help out.. this could have a risk of causing issues longer term.
Clear boundaries form the beginning always pay off.
I would thank her, but tell her you're all set for now. Best of luck
Advertisements
Keeping boundaries in open adoptions is always healthy. Remember this is not co-parenting. You can determine what is best for you and your child and how to best allow the building of the relationship with the birth mom. Sometimes space is necessary until you figure out what works for you. Don't be afraid to set some ground rules.
Good luck!
Sorry for the slow reply. While in her heart, she could be trying to help out.. this could have a risk of causing issues longer term.
Clear boundaries form the beginning always pay off.
I would thank her, but tell her you're all set for now. Best of luck
Remember this is not co-parenting. You can determine what is best for you and your child and how to best allow the building of the relationship with the birth mom. Sometimes space is necessary until you figure out what works for you. Don't be afraid to set some ground rules.
Last update on May 28, 10:16 am by megera39.