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They finally had Pumpkin's review today. It only took three continuances and nearly four months. County asked for a goal change and was denied. Not just denied, shut down. It started with the DSS lawyer speaking for a few minutes before the judge stopped her mid-sentence and asked all the lawyers to meet in his chambers. Then he came out and said the same exact thing we have been wearing out to every worker with ears at the county. How can they claim she is unfit to parent Pumpkin when she has had baby brother at home for eight months? She also passed a hair follicle drug test. That I saw coming. What has me so mad I nearly broke down is that the judge did nothing to move toward reunification either. No change in visits, nothing. Then he didn't set the next review until Jan! Pumpkin will have been in care for OVER TWO YEARS at that point. Two flippin' years. She will have spent the first year of her baby brother's life (a sibling she is just 18 months older than), only spending two hours a week with him and her mother. All because CW wanted to nit-pick, power-trip, and not face reality.
Then there is the fact that the visits are supervised by us. Not because we are required. The judge granted a change in visits way back in October of last year. They went from supervised in the DSS office to supervised in the community. Mom just had to come up with a supervisor the CW would approve of. Guess how that went. Stupid me offered to do it, thinking the visits would be changed to unsupervised at the following hearing if things continued to go well. I've been stuck doing it ever since, and now I'm stuck doing it until Jan. And news from mom today, she is moving almost an hour away.
I feel like I just want to check out of this mad house. Leave me out of it. Whether it's the parents or the system, no good deed goes unpunished. If it had been any other set of FP, I can guarantee things would not be the same. Heck, Pumpkin might have been in the adoptions unit already. But no... I have to be the peacemaker. I have to be the helper. Now I have to keep up this shill of a case until January and then some. Raise of hands for all who think the judge is just going to hand Pumpkin over then with no transition. Drop or get off the pot already!!!
I have seen the pictures of kids holding signs of the ridiculous amount of days they are in foster care, but now they are adopted. How about a slideshow of kids with signs that say, "I was kept from my family for X days."
How is any of this fair to Pumpkin, never mind her mother and brother? IMO, either send her home or let her go to adoption. The child (any child) needs stability above all else. I am so sorry you are all going through this. It is just wrong...more hurry up and wait.
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@Smarty, I am going to talk to the CW about letting mom use her current housemate as a supervisor. I don't have much hope, but it's worth a try. We are so sick of MCD playplaces. Mom can't afford anything fancy and outside is often not an option.
@Confused, It breaks my heart. Pumpkin gets much older and she will start long term memories. Her's will be loss. To her, I'm mommy. DH is daddy. She doesn't want to go to mom when she is upset, she wants me. To them it's just another case. To me, SHE is a real person with real developing emotions. They won't be around to heal the scars this will leave.
CW came for a home visit this week. It's the first time we've spoken since the hearing. She has not changed her mind, even after what happened in court. Now she wants us to agree to guardianship and push that at the next hearing in Jan. I relayed what mom had told us at the visit this week. Her name is on the lease at the new residence. (They will not be able to argue she is just a guest.) CW wants to see employment and counseling happen.
I didn't tell CW that we bought mom a box of diapers for the baby after she told us she was going to have to borrow the money from someone for them. She said the move tapped them out. Here I am, still smack in the middle of all this. And by smack, I regularly do that to my forehead with my palm. Facepalms everywhere.
I did ask the CW if she could check the court papers to find out if mom could use her own supervisor for visits. I said, "It's been almost a year, surely someone mom knows could be appropriate." She just wrote on her pad and didn't say anything.
I am sorry to hear that this is happening to you and pumpkin?
Do you think that Bio mom should get pumpkin back?
Does Bio mom want her back?
If you distanced yourself from bio mom, refused to supervise visits, (which you can do right?) and stopped helping her emotionally and financially would it push things one way or the other?
I am someone who tends to get to close and involved with Bio's and It seems like maybe you are too close and involved. Someone needs to poop or get off the pot, maybe that person needs to you. Stop making it convenient for everyone. You've got to take care of yourself and family or you will be no good to pumpkin or anyone else. It's her choice to move away...then she will have to find someone to supervise and she will have to commute. These things will show you, the judge, herself and her CW what she is made of and it she can really do this....
You are an incredible foster parent and person...take care of yourself.
Kat
@Kat, Thanks for the complement! Most of the time I just feel incredibly gullible. Mom most certainly wants Pumpkin back. Every court date that comes around she is hoping Pumpkin will be turned over to her. I keep trying to explain that's not how it works and there will be a transition. She's not perfect by any means, but she has seemed to make a big change in the type of people she hangs with, i.e.; the clean hair screen. She has come to her visit every week since the beginning. She just doesn't have the bust-your-butt motivation I would hope she would have to get Pumpkin back, i.e.; no job ever and she doesn't want therapy or counseling because she doesn't believe she needs it. She is saying getting a job is on top of her list now. We will see.
I'm in complete agreement about stepping back a little. I even told CW that I think it would be a good idea to start letting mom have Pumpkin without us so that she could start getting a real feel for what having both babies will be like. But I'm afraid an outright refusal will just turn the CW on us. Same with guardianship.
@Smarty, We are NOT happy about the idea of guardianship. My state is not an open adoption state. We have open adoptions, and they are at our discretion. There is no legal recourse. I don't like the idea that we could be dragged into court at any point for any reason. I feel like we would need a saving account just for possible attorney fees. CW and GAL are trying to assure us that almost never happens. I don't like that I will have to take papers with me everywhere we go with Pumpkin and she would never have our last name. Not to mention that without the state involved, mom is going to pressure us hard for more that what was agreed.
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