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While I was super happy to see my babies and feel like I did something good because they ran to me saying mommy! I felt as if the salt was being rubbed on my wound. The one hour visit turned into 3 hour lunch visit which I appreciated the new FM allowed. Even if she was there with them and one of the two older half sibling I have to admit it was a nice visit. Lil man was in heaven kept coming over hugging me putting his head on my shoulder and rocking his body so I would sing to him and when I did he smiled and simply stayed in my arms. Lil miss was happy she kept calling me mommy and was confused calling the other lady mommy as well it was all good until it was time to go. Lil miss was not happy and began to cling to us and little man although he isn't speaking he climbed up my husbands pants then ran to me did the same and then began hiding away behind my husband so that his older sibling wouldn't grab him to go. Needless to say he went kicking and screaming and lil miss kept saying I miss you guys I want to come visit and stay with you guys it was heart breaking.....
While after the fact I took this visit well I still break down and cry because this entire switch was what the system said was for the best interest but that has not been the case....We noticed the new FM (possibly adopting them even knowing this will make her have 7 children) she was exhausted and anyone sane enough could see it. Not to mention the older sibling was not there because she is in a hospital on suicide watch. The move had been to help her in that situation but in reality it has gotten worse....tomorrow their is another CFTM and my husband will attend I wonder if they will go back to asking us to take them back because honestly I have mixed emotions on that. We can tell when someone is up to their wits and that lady looked like she is up to her wits. Before the move the deal had been that she had to show DCS that she could handle and deal with 7 children but apparently that has taken a toll in a MONTH....We had them for 17 months and I know better than anyone she has nothing left in her but because she is enjoying staying home due to the stipend (and yes I know is not much but apparently it is for her) she will probably fake being OK!
She did ask if we were willing to see them more and keep them on some weekends (hint to her that is called respite) it was a big hint to us that she is exhausted.
So here I am asking what should we do if asked to take them back? I for one told my husband unless is for adoption NO, I am not playing this card.
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I am happy that they are at least letting you see them. I can definitely understand your hesitence to take them back without some sort of promise that they wont be ripped from you once again. Would you be willing to provide respite or would that be too hard for you?
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Well meeting went alright considering everything...They gave us pictures of the kids and advised that it would be best if we only saw the kids once a month, since they are confused....They still going to push on the adoption even mediating bio mom to see them once a year or something to the sort. The older half sibling was released and the action plan is to send her back to hospital when she becomes suicidal again.....As for us having them on a weekend they don't wish to do that until the little ones under stand and know that they are the parental unit not us >.<
Am I crushed, hurt, feel like I been gut punched? Oh yeah I feel like I wasted my time and effort raising a baby as my own only to be told we are not good enough to be their parents let alone good enough to see them more than once a month......
I am still asking myself why do I continue to be a foster parent if when we do things right we get crapped on as opposed to others doing things the wrong way or for the wrong reasons and they get all the benefits.....
Sorry venting so angry, so not fair I lost my littles for good....I guess I have to suck it up and move on!