Family Friend wants visitation/possibly adopt???

Hi everyone, First time foster-to-adopt dad here. We've had Baby E since she was a week old (she'll be three months old next week) and are located in Los Angeles County. Up until now, there has been no visitation by bio parents, who haven't seen her since the day she was born (both mom and Baby E tested positive for meth). Mom requested one visit in early August but canceled the day of (we later found out it was because bio dad got thrown in jail). At our first meeting with the county social worker (we are also working with an FFA) in early August she mentioned a friend of the family who had expressed interest in taking Baby E but the LiveScan pulled up a criminal record. The social worker gave her the exemption paperwork (as well as paperwork for another adult living in the home who also apparently has a criminal record). Then we didn't hear anything for over a month. The family friend did call the county worker over two weeks ago again requesting a visit. The county worker gave her our FFA social worker's number and told her to contact her to schedule a visit, but again, we heard nothing. Last Friday the courts ruled that they were not going to offer any reunification services to the parents and a termination of parental rights hearing was scheduled for late January and the county is recommending fast track adoption. This has moved fairly fast because parents have several other kids in the system who have a termination hearing this month. Yesterday, I received word from our FFA social worker that the family friend had reached out to her to schedule a visit, so now one is scheduled for this Monday morning. As far as we know, they still have not submitted the exemption paperwork to the county. My questions are these: Has anyone dealt with a non-blood relative making a play for a foster child? What recourse do we have, if any? We initially asked the county worker what edge this woman might have over us since she isn't blood related. She said not much except that sometimes the courts like to keep a connection to the bio family open. We have been very vocal about the fact that we want Baby E to know her biological siblings and are even open to a relationship with bio parents if and when they get clean. Should we try and initiate a visit with bio siblings to reinforce this idea even more? We are considering filing for defacto parent status at 4 months but our FFA is hesitant on filing before 6 months because you don't want to look like you are trying to disrupt the reunification process. But since reunification for mom and dad is off the table, we think 4 months might not backfire. I guess I'm looking for reassurance, warnings and/or advice and strategies. Any help would be greatly appreciated and may help calm this very nervous, very scared dad who loves his baby girl a ton already. Thanks for reading!

You probably aren't going to like what I have to say. I don't always like it either, but...Where I am, fictive kin ("family" other than legal relatives, including family friends, etc) is always considered before foster parents, at least theoretically. It's not only because they keep a connection to family in the here and now, but because family has the background to where a child came from that others don't have. Those things are important. If family are safe, whether they are biological relatives or not, they can give children roots that we as foster/ adoptive parents can't.I get your worries. I had a little one go to (non-biological) family last spring, and I adored her. It was really hard for months, and there are moments that it's still hard. But I firmly believe that it was the best thing for her.I'm not a big fan of defacto parent status in most cases. It's very difficult, where I am, to qualify for it, because it ends up being a way to try to circumvent the judge, GAL, and/ or family. However much you are the parents in her life, and however much she is your little girl (and I get it, my ffd will always be my girl), she isn't your daughter. Our job as foster parents is to care for children and support reunification, whether with parents or other family members. Sometimes that means letting go of what we want. Remember that defacto parent status does not necessarily give you any advantage over family in the adoption process. It allows you to be a party to the case. However, filing it only a few months into a case may very likely be seen by a judge as trying to circumvent the family who are stepping forward, and in most places that won't go over well. As I said, I don't much like the idea of defacto parent status anyway, but I do think that in a situation like this, it could also backfire on you.It can be really hard to trust in the process. Have you talked with the GAL? Let folks know that you care about the child, and you would love to adopt, but remember that you don't know the whole picture. You may or may not be the best permanent option for your girl, as much as you want to be. I'm sorry you're going through this. I know it's really tough, and I wish you the best and easiest process you can have, as well as wishing all the best for little girl.

Sorry to say but I am with Ruth on this one and I know it's not what you want to hear but you are just at the beginning of this process. Here you aren't allowed to file De facto until after 6 months. We just finalized our Beanie Babies adoption he's 2 and he has been with us since he was 3 days old. During that time it went back and forth about him going here or going there and at every turn it broke my heart. I know that part of the reason he is still here is because we worked well with the social workers and tried to stay flexible and we did support RU if it was possible because that is our job as Foster Parents. I know you love her, I know it seems like she should stay with you but you really have little power over it. Express that you would like her to stay but I wouldn't push too hard yet. If the other people are really not appropriate hopefully it will come out sooner rather than later. Just don't turn to mud slinging, it won't help.

I am in LA County and I am a "family friend" for my foster daughter. I was already certified to be a foster parent and with an active license when FD was placed with us. However, because she was expected to be "fast-tracked" to adoption the county wanted to place her with a family that was on the PRU list instead of us. In fact, she was set to be placed with another family and then they backed out when they heard we existed. They backed out hours before she arrived and their names were just crossed out on our paperwork and ours written in beside it.Based on that experience, I think LA County does whatever they want. They are still telling us that there are family members on the East Coast that want to take her. They are just waiting on some paperwork (for more than 15 months).PS. Our FD's goal is still RU. 18 months later.

I think you probably don't have a lot to worry about. They may visit a time or two, but if they aren't "on it" and doing everything they can to get the baby, then they aren't really motivated. My best guess from what you have stated is that they are getting pressure from the bio parents/family and doing enough to look like they are trying but that is it. When we were in SD county, we had a relative visit a few times and I was a MESS worried about it. However, it never went anywhere. Maybe they just want to verify that the baby is taken care of by you. Also, I would file de-facto as soon as possible, although I also thought it was 6 months in. In our case, it wasn't "looked down on" at all. We even gained educational rights for our (foster) son when he as just a baby. It is just a roller coaster that you have to go through! You will get to the other side:)