I often think bout a loss of a little child to adoption..... i never will understand....
HOW CAN YOU EABORATE A LOSS OF A CHILD WHO U NEVER SAW, RAISED, WHO YOU HAVE A COMPLETE DIFFERENT LOVE?
How can you be sad for someone who didn't know? this child is never really yours.....
For the BMs - they had 9 months of feeling the life grow in their body.. of knowing each consumption choice is impacting a helpless entity. The choices they make - whether its alcohol, vitamins, diets, or sleep/stress - will forever have an impact
My DD's face is a mirror of her BMs'.. Her athleticism and lack of math skills are repeats of her BM at that age
Even if they don't interact, she T sees videos of J competing.. or her first father/daughter dance.. or birthday parties, she;'s reminded of what she lost
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That's pretty similar to asking why a woman would grieve over a miscarriage or stillbirth. Can you imagine telling a woman whose child was just born dead that she shouldn't grieve because she never knew the child? People seem to think that because someone "chose" to place a child for adoption, it's no a loss (I put chose in quotes, because it's only a choice if there is an acceptable option, which in my son's bparents' case and many others, there was not). In any loss, we grieve over the future more than the past. Bparents have lost the opportunity to know or at least parent their children. Not knowing a child as they grow doesn't change that.
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I nurtured my son for 9 months in my body.
He has my hair, my face, my mind, even some of my gestures.
I love him with all of my heart. I ripped my heart out thinking I was doing the right thing for him. I love him... I'm pretty sure I love him more than his adopters do (they no longer deserve the title of mom and dad, due to the abuse he is suffering at their hands), to them he was just a purchase and a very imperfect one at that.
I agree with Ruth. You wouldn't pose that question to someone else grieving the loss of a child. I lost my son, not once, but twice, and I will grieve that until the day I die.
Last update on October 14, 12:39 pm by belleinblue1978.
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