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So i'm new to this forum posting thing but here goes. For years I have been trying to find my birth mother ( there was no father listed on my birth certificate) I have always known I was adopted and was given access to any documents pertaining to my adoption. I had her name her place of birth and her age . I found out she was living in a home for girls with unwanted pregnancies in VT where i was born. I always just thought she was there for school. In any event I went on facebook and I think i found her. A few years ago i had my friend send her a message . I figured it'd be easier for her to tell a stranger to f off then her own 'daughter'. I never received a response. A few months back i googled her name as i tend to do and i found her. I know it's her . For the first time i saw someone with my features , my nose , and it haunted me. And then i saw her marriage and her children ( my possible sisters) and how happy everyone was and i wondered if i should try again. I should mention that the reason i found them was due to an obituary for her mother that stated her father was also deceased. Since she was sent away for her pregnancy i wondered if now that her parents are gone she would be ok with talking to me. I fear rejection. And i fear that I won't be successful enough for her. (her children have their masters as does she, i do not). I 'm not where i want to be in life and i feel she'll blame my parents . But i think i need to see her, get a medical history to perhaps find out why things have gone south ( i suffer from depression). I guess i'm just looking for advice on how to contact her. Should i contact my sisters? i dont want to ruin her life. and we don't have to be best friends. i just want to know where i came from and if she suffers the same things i do and how she over came it. i 'm open to suggestions.
Hi Kate.
First of all, thanks for sharing your story.
I'll start by the end, there's something that caught my eye "I fear rejection. And i fear that I won't be successful enough for her.".
I think that's quite natural, but think this, couldn't her feel the same? Couldn't her feel like she's not good enough to meet you? After all it was her who gave you way, not you.
I think you should contact her and/or your sisters if you want. You have every right to do so, after all, it's your life we're talking about. And you need some peace or some kind of closure and if this is way to achieve that, go ahead.
My only advice regarding that is: make sure to clear about your intentions. Are sure why are you contacting them? What do you really want to achieve with that? What are you looking for?
Every time I feel I need to confront my adoptive mother I always have to take a step back and reflect about why and what I want to achieve. I know it's not the same situation, but still it might help you doing this "mental exercise".
I also think you could go contact her directly instead of asking a friend to do it for you instead. I know it's some way of protecting yourself, but wouldn't you feel more liberated if you do it by yourself?
I hope I've helped you a bit.
Looking forward to hear from you.
Best wishes.
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Hi, Kate --
Yes, rejection is possible; but so is reunion. You won't know unless you give it a try. And, yes, you have the absolute right to contact any possible siblings!
If you haven't yet, consider registering at She (or another family member) may be looking for you, too.
Best of luck with this journey -- it's terrifying, but hopefully you'll find at least some of the answers you're seeking.
Last update on November 5, 4:39 pm by Angry Adoptee.