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Long story short, we are starting to transition ballerina's brother with us it has only been one day for a few hours but this weekend is suppose to be a stay over. However we just found out he has been suspended for two different situations which entails dual suspension. Both were for sexually motivated behaviors. another occurance was this past weekend after we dropped him off he exposed himself to kids in a playground. I am worried to bring him in this weekend especially since we have Ballerina and two other little girls am I in the right to stop the transitioning and will they force him and his sister to be adopted together even with this issue? We don't want to lose ballerina but I can't condone this behavior that was one of our NO' Factors for fostering we don't do sexual behavior....I am afraid we will lose the chance to adopt ballerina if they keep pushing for them to stay together even when they are half siblings.
I need advice please and thank you
As you know, most of the time the push is for kids to stay together. Sometimes behaviors will make a difference with this, sometimes not. Sometimes, even if a therapist says a child needs to be either the youngest or only, the powers that be will ignore that recommendation. Regardless of what may happen, if you are not comfortable parenting a child with any specific behavior or issue, you need to stick by that. I know you love Ballerina, but you can't adopt her brother out of fear of losing her; it's not fair to him or you.
I think it would be totally fair to say you aren't ready to have him overnight, and you want to stop working on the transition because you need more information about his behaviors and how to manage them. That will give you a chance to slow down and think, rather than react. Then you can talk with the caseworker, GAL, and anyone else you need to without the time pressure. If you're really certain you can't or won't parent a child with sexual behaviors, and he is having those behaviors, you need to have a frank conversation with the caseworker and let her or him know that you still want to adopt Ballerina, but you are not an appropriate placement for the brother. It is a risk, but it's also a risk to parent a child you aren't comfortable parenting.
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I am assuming he is in therapy. Talk to his therapist. There were so many behaviors I thought I could not handle when I first started fostering, but now I can handle them.The pain of losing a child you love will be extreme. Before throwing in the towel on him, I would explore more on his behaviors there are ways to keep the kids safe until he learns to behave more socially appropriate. I think it would be easier to understand more about his support system. Does he come from a shelter , group home, or foster placement? Was he ever placed in a behavioral ward? How many placements was he in previously? The little one I took in a few months ago was in 20 placements. He is starting to stabilize in my home. I think you should slow down the transitioning, but not give up until you truly know in your heart you cannot raise him.
Last update on November 3, 11:39 pm by peaceforall for all.
No he is in a foster home...he was abused in his first foster home they haven't given us details of the abuse however he was moved to kin grandpa and uncle but removed from there to the foster home he is in now...he is in therapy that goes to school and will have extra therapy in our home once fully transitioned we will see how it goes we have noticed odd on him and he does have adhd already takes mess for it they are having a physiatrist see him soon too plus will start iep soon as well.