My situation is a little different but thought this was the closest to our situation with the forum. My husband and I have guardianship of a 9 yr old boy. He has been in our home for 5 years. We have allowed his birth mom to see him on a weekly basis for 2 hours each week even though nothing is court ordered. These visits are not productive and consist of a lot of arguing between him and his mom and his mom is on the phone a lot of the time. We are struggling with this because we do not want to take his mom out of his life but at the same time we don't feel like this is helping him at all! He usually has an eye twitch after she leaves and it can last up to a few days. Wondering what others do or would do in our situation???? Thanks!!
Maybe you could try explaining to BM that the visits aren't productive. She and the child should not be arguing and she shouldn't be on the phone. maybe she'll see the bigger picture.
Could you change visits to monthly? His birth mom isn't treating the visits like a priority, either because is isn't for her, or she just doesn't know how to act appropriately in that situation. Weekly seems like a lot for him to handle right now. If he has a therapist, ask them for advice. What does the 9 year old want? Does he look forward to visits, or dread them? Is she someone you can talk to about the effect it has on him, and expect her to understand and work with you to make it a more positive visit?
If it were me, lacking any further information, I'd consider switching to monthly, to give him some normalcy and stability.
Thanks for the advise. I did fail to mention details. I have talked with his mom about all of this and have even had them both sit down and discuss what can be done differently when arguments come up. We spoke a lot about compromising.
I think this is especially hard for me as I am 26 and his mom is 33 and I feel like I have to parent her as well.
Juliana13, I really like the idea of once a month but i am going to talk to my little guy to see what he thinks. thanks!