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Good morning,
I am so very happy for this site.
I am on an emotional roller coaster ride since we have adoptive our princess and I don't know if it is normal or if I I'm just imagining things. My husband and I have been struggling to conceive for 7 years and an IVF was the only option. We also started to talk about adoption but wanted to try IVF first. Then, one day out of the blue, I received a phone call from a social worker, saying that there is a baby that wasn't born yet, up for adoption. GOD's Hand was in all of this, because in five days time we held her in our arms. It was the best time of our lives and we loved her as our own from day one.
The problem is that I feel so insecure as if I am so scared that she doesn't love me or didn't bond with me or loves my mother in law more than me. My parents in law are staying with us on the same premises and she looks after our 3 month old baby girl during the day when I am working. These feelings makes me subconsciously resent my mother in law and I feel threatened by her. It is as if I feel jealous towards my baby girl and do not want to share her with anyone. Life has become so serious. My mother in law is a wonderful lady with so much love to give.
I don't want to feel like this because I love my parents in law so much, I just don't understand these feelings.
I hope that someone will please shed some light on my situation.
Thank you very much.
Hi, and congratulations on your new baby girl!! Amazing how God works isn't it!
I think what you are feeling is normal. I was adopted at birth and my mom was insecure all my life thinking that I always wanted my birth mother. Sure I was curious.. but I loved my adoptive mom no differently that I would have my birth mother... She was my mom and continues to be my mom in my heart through her passing. But I think many of us mothers go through feelings like what you are feeling even without adoption. My first son spent much time with my mother in law while I worked and he was very bonded to her. I too was upset by this.. but as he grew he knew who mom was and who grandma was and it was a different relationship. Later in life I did not work out of the home when I had two more children. My mother would come over every day and visit with them. They thought she was just the greatest. Children love anyone who is good to them and as they grow they develop different type of relationships with family members. So whether your child was adopted or not.. it's normal to have some feelings like you are experiencing. Just try not to let it interfere with the love that you have for your child.
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Thank you, Canine.
I appreciate your reply so much-I have tears in my eyes. I just pray that this conflicting feelings will go away in the NAME of JESUS!
May you be Blessed.
It's completely normal. I was talking with my coworker recently who is going through something similar, and she gave birth to her daughter and had no difficulty getting pregnant. I think it's even harder for those of us who had to work really hard to become parents.
When my son was learning to walk, we were at my mom's house one day when he fell and hurt himself. He wanted her rather than me, and I was devastated. Now he's four, and I realize what a gift it is that he loves his grandparents so much. I also look forward to them taking him for the weekend, and there was a time I couldn't imagine being away from him overnight.
We're hard wired to protect our babies, and territoriality comes with that. Give it time, it will fade. Depending on your relationship with your MIL, you may even want to talk with her about it, tell her it's not about her, and you don't understand why you feel this way. She may very well hav gone through the same thing. If you don't have that type of relationship, just know that she probably gets it anyway.