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I was a foster parent to a sibling group (10 and 9-year-old brother and sister). The county job and family services told the agency that there was only a slim chance of the biological parents getting their kids back because the county was going to file for TPR. So we were told that there was a very good chance of us being to adopt the kids when the TPR hearing was held. So we had the pre-placement visit and the kids loved us and we loved them. So I signed the documents and things were going well. We treated the kids like they were a part of our family - took them to the zoo, family gatherings and to an area amusement park. In August, the county caseworker and the placement worker had the monthly meeting and said that there was a very good chance of the kids going back to Biological mom and dad. I was confused, hurt and angry and made a phone call to the case worker and placement worker in which I said that I really did not trust the JFS and that they had lied to us about the kids' status. So there was a meeting and the workers' supervisor said that I was unstable because of the phone calls - she did not say that I needed to get testing or counseling done (which I would have done). She was very rude during the meeting as well and also told me that I was not to have contact with the kids' caseworker or the placement worker - that if I wanted to contact them, I should do it through the CASA/GAL or my agency worker!.
Then my wife leaves the marriage and withdrew her foster care license. Then I took the kids to an amusement park and on the way home, my tire shreds because of road construction. I am trying to fix the tire and calm the 10-year-old girl down. A good Samaritan comes and he and his dad try to help fix the tire and pay for the tow and I accept a ride home from the good Samaritan. I should have called the on-call agency worker but with everything going on, I completely forgot about that. Then I did not check on the kids when the door alarm went off (the 9-year-old had molested his sister in a previous foster home) in the middle of the night. So I call the on-call agency worker and tell her what went on. She said to check on the kids in the future and have the alarms on (which they were) and I would have the kids for a long, long time. On Monday morning, I leave a message for the CASA worker and, as I was in the ER for low blood sugar, I am told that the kids were taken away. The worst thing was I couldn't even say goodbye to the kids. I was told that they were taken away because I was a single foster parent. I am presuming that I would not get the kids back.
Last update on November 29, 10:04 am by Michael Wrasman.
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By the way,. the kids had friends in the neighborhood. The county told me that the kids were thriving in our home and stated numerous times that the only way that the kids were going to be taken from me was if the kids were going to be placed with their bio parents. So the county misled us about that as well. The kids were uprooted from school on the first day of school. This is after I got the kids registered for school, school supplies purchased, counseling set up and preliminary and thirty-day physicals done. I was basically the foster parent to the kids because my wife refused to have anything to do with the kids (go to meetings and parental visitations or look after the kids).
I think it would be very unlikely for you to get the kids back. My guess would be that originally the cw had wanted the children placed in a two parent home because of supervision needs (fairly common when a child with a history of sexual perpetration is placed with a sibling, especially if that sibling was a victim), but they decided to try keeping them with you when you became single rather than disrupting the placement. However, not checking on the kids when the alarm went off would have confirmed the need for added supervision.
In terms of the calls/ conversation with the cw, I would guess that did, and probably will in the future, count against you. It's not uncommon for foster parents not to be given all the information; sometimes this is because the information isn't known, sometimes because things change, and sometimes because CWs aren't forthright. The kids' CW isn't worried about your needs in this (that's your licensing/ agency worker's job); their job is to look out for the kids' needs.
Do you plan on continuing to foster as a single parent? If so, you may want to talk with your worker about how to deal with the situations when unexpected and unwelcome circumstances or interactions come up, because they probably will again. Your worker should be your support, and working with her or him to figure out how to manage those situations and deal with the county workers is a great place to start.
I would also recommend considering taking only single child placements for awhile as well. I'm a single mom, and it really is very different from parenting with someone else. Having only one child while you're getting used to this new way of parenting may be really helpful. You've also had a lot of stressors, and that makes everything harder. You said you would have gone to counseling if they had suggested it; that could be a good tool and support to deal with everything that has happened and the ongoing stressors of fostering.
Ruth is right that it is unlikely that they would be returned, for the reason she mentioned, the caseworkers might want to place them in a two parent home or maybe even a therapeutic foster home.
The case may have been headed to TPR. It is common for birth parents to make a last ditch effort to follow their case plans when TPR is looming. Some may even do enough to be granted more time. It is doubtful anyone knowingly lied to you about thinking TPR would happen.
If you used your real name for your posts, you might want to change your user name. Before this site changed ownership, there were so many more threads and posts that it would have been hard for anyone's SW or agency to read them all. Now so few people post here that the odds are higher that a thread could be read by someone you know.
First: Never assume the kids can be adopted until the judge bangs his or her gavel. I did adopt mine but on the other side: a friend I grew up with had a son in care about to be adopted by his foster family and my friend's parents got him. As a single parent, it is tough when one of the kids is a perpetrator. I had one and had to make sure he was never alone with other kids. He's doing fantastic now and in the military but you have to be on your toes.
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