Looking for Adult Adpotee Friendships

I will. Am an adoptee. That hates everything.

God loves us. Our bio moms did not love anybody. I would never give my baby away. I would die for my child. My bio mom was junk and I wish nothing but pain and misery for her. I hate her and hope she goes to hell. I will be your friend if you ever want a person to lean on.

While I respect your feelings, remember that others have differing stories. My bio mother wanted to keep me, but when my father walked out leaving her with no social or family support, she felt she had no choice but to give me away to relatives for a supposedly "better life". Those relatives abused me, physically and emotionally, and I started contemplating suicide at the age of 11. The day that my adoptive "mother" died was the best day of my life.And there is no god.

I hate my adoptive "FAMILY" too. I was dealt two bad hands. A careless bio mom who told "her family" that I died at birth. What a terrible human being she is/was. I hope she goes to hell really soon.

I am an adoptee, aged 54 that has been looking on and off for my birth mother since 93. I have her name and age, and the few things my Mom told me many years ago before she died in 89. What drove me what that my Mom told me I had a brother 18 months older. I can't tell you all the efforts I have gone through to find this women. Recently, with all the ancestry.com ads, and being able to do DNA testing to find out my nationality. So I now believe I found her, along with 2 brothers. Literally 20 minutes from where I used to live. I passed over her name so many times because in 95 I had an attorney/friend write a letter to her because the name sort of matched and figured to try. It was a beautiful letter saying we wanted to know if she had give a girl up for adoption, I did not want to interfere with her life, but to thank her for giving me the gift of life, and we wanted any information and whatever she was willing to give. She denied it was her. I believed her, so for 20 plus years, everytime her name came up, I said it's not her, I already tried her. I have used 2 different search companies, hours and hours of research. A week ago, a investigator who is a friend of a friend dug around, and again her name. with the data that is now available, it can only be her, and there is a brother 18 months older than me, and a younger half brother 12 years younger than me. So she is now 77, and the brothers are 56 and 42 with families of there own. I see their profiles on FB, and some of the pictures of especially the one brother and myself there are many similarities. One of the nieces has many of the same pictures of my son. I had my husband (who has a wonderful british accent - he really is british) call her so to have an intermediary. The whole conversation lasted 20 seconds. He asked if she was the person we were looking for and said he was helping his wife look for her blood family - he didn't even say birth mother - she said I have only two sons very angrily and hung up the phone. So she has rejected me now a third time. The other night I had a whole meltdown about all this. I have always wanted a sibling. My kids would love uncles and 1st cousins. They have none as my ex husband was an only child as well. Confused about what to do. I really don't want to harass a 77 year old that clearly wants nothing to do with this, but I truly believe my brothers don't even know I exist. I would like to somehow introduce me into their lives. However, the fear of more rejection has me paralyzed to do anything. Thank God I don't live near them as 18 years ago I moved my family 600 miles away from where I was born.Suggestions anyone.

While I respect your feelings, remember that others have differing stories. My Biological mother wanted to keep me, but when my father walked out leaving her with no social or family support, she felt she had no choice but to give me away to relatives for a supposedly "better life". Those relatives abused me, physically and emotionally, and I started contemplating suicide at the age of 11. The day that my adoptive "mother" died was the best day of my life.And there is no god.Response from Laurie:Wow. It's refreshing to me to hear of other adoptees' lives. Although each one is different, they all have the same cause. It's so weird, how we can all relate to each other yet have such varying circumstances. We are all a piece of the complex puzzle that makes up the community of the adoption triangle. In my opinion, the adoptees get the shortest straw...being the child, they have no choices, as the other two parties do. Some of us are dealt some seriously bad hands on top of the fact that they were relinquished. I'm sorry to find out that you were one of those. Thank God you survived! You should be damn proud of yourself. I look forward to having more conversations in the future.

Hi everybody, I am a 46 year old adoptee who has been reunited with my birthparents since 1987. I have a lot of emotional baggage that resides just below the surface, you know what I mean? Like, I'll be driving down the freeway and I'll start thinking about my birthdad, and I'll just start crying...right there in the traffic. Many times, the thoughts turn to death. I'm always thinking that someone is going to die on me....even my own daughter! This burden does not really affect my daily life. I have been working as a teacher in the same high school for ten years, and my marriage is strong, and my daughter is loved and all that stuff. I wonder what the stress does to my overall health though? How can I rid myself of this .... this ....what is it? PTSD? My birthmom was 19...my birthdad was 21. She was a strict Catholic. She broke up with him two weeks before she knew she was pregnant. When they found out, he asked her to marry him, but she said no cause she didn't think she'd be happy, and being religious, didn't want to get a divorce. She told her parents, who had four other kids, and they sent her to an unwed mothers home, run by priests. The priests convinced her that it would be best to give me up for adoption. She was the only mother in the home that questioned what they preached. At the hospital, my birthmom insisted on holding me, and my birthdad came to visit me. I was then placed with a foster parent for two weeks, when a young couple from England adopted me. Five months later they gave me back, the man saying that his wife was unable to care for me. I cried a lot, I guess. Back to the original foster parent I went! It was discovered at this time that I had a large bulge on my head. I spent the next three months in a children's hospital with a shunt to drain a blood clot. Nurses took care of me. My adopted mom was a foster parent at the time and heard about the little orphan in the children's ward, so she came to look at me. She wanted me right away, she says. She invited my adoptive dad to meet me too, and he had the same feelings for me, so they took me home. I was nine months old. That was Sept. of 1970. (Tragically, my birthmom had reconsidered her decision to relinquish me, and had gone to get me back while I was in the hospital. But the adoption agency said that I had been adopted, and the records were sealed, and she backed down and went on with her life. ) My foster parents were finally given the okay to adopt me officially in the winter of 1973, and about three months later, my adopted dad left my adopted mom mom for another woman. I started visiting Dad and Step-mom on the weekends, and that remained a ritual for years and years. My birthmom tells me that she always had such grand dreams of my lifestyle. That I lived in a big house, went to Catholic church, etc, etc. In actuality, I grew up in a single parent house, in a very modest, middle class neighborhood, was a Protestant and rarely, if ever, went to church, was a latch-key kid, had one sibling who was ten years older than me, and was even molested -- by my adopted mother's father! ( I know, ewww!) My birthparents do not know that I was molested. That's one thing that I keep hidden from them, as I feel it would really hurt them. Having a relationship with your birthfamily is good....it's great! But, man! it's so consuming. I've got all these families, and none of them really hang out together. My mom and her husband's family, my dad and his wife's family, my birthmom and her husband's family and my two half-brothers, and my birthdad and his wife's family plus my half brother and sister. Holidays are weird, and special events are weird, and it's just weird is all. I get tired. I'm the hub in the middle of the spokes on a tire....that's how I picture it. I'm the only thing that has a connection to ALL OF THEM. Like, I'm all by myself, with just a little part of me in all the rest. There's no wholeness....there's no complete value. Who am I? I am her adoptive daughter, his adoptive daughter, his and her stepdaughter; I'm a half-sister, I'm an adopted sister. The most complete relationship that I feel is with my birth parents, actually, but that makes me feel guilty. Even though, at this point, I feel deep down that they are my true parents, I can't bring myself to call them that. My birthmom introduces me as her "daughter." I'm fine with that. That's what I am....to her. To me, I'm the daughter, yeah, but I'm not THE daughter....I dunno. Like, I'm my mom's daughter. She raised me. I can cuddle up to her....I could sleep in the same bed as her. I feel safe with her. I don't have that connection with my birthmom. I've never called her "Mom." I only call her by her first name. Anyway, I'm rambling. I am interested in having more conversations with adoptees, like LIsa Lopez and others here. We can all help each other cope with the emotional baggage we carry. In a lot of ways, it sucks being adopted....you know it....I know it....and here we can say it and not be shamed for being "ungrateful."

Hi.In my opinion, you should try approaching the bothers on your own. They ARE adults, and they have every right to know who you are. Yes, they might reject you. But, you'll not be any worse for it. The worst thing that could happen is that they won't be in your life. And since they already aren't in your life, what's the difference? The best thing that could happen is that you could meet flesh and blood, and possibly gain a few nieces and nephews. It might be great! But, really the possibilities are wide and varied, and the only way to close the chapter or start writing the rest of your life is to do it and find out what happens. It's scary, but you are who you are, and you are strong, and this is really not much different than any other unknown challenge you've tried in your life. Am I right? But, listen, I tend to advocate for reunion, because I am a reunited adoptee who has had a pretty positive experience. It's a personal decision. Plus, I don't even know, nor do I know if YOU know, that the brothers know about you. If they don't, there's a possibility that there's more to your story. God luck.LaurieI am an adoptee, aged 54 that has been looking on and off for my birth mother since 93. I have her name and age, and the few things my Mom told me many years ago before she died in 89. What drove me what that my Mom told me I had a brother 18 months older. I can't tell you all the efforts I have gone through to find this women. Recently, with all the ancestry.com ads, and being able to do DNA testing to find out my nationality. So I now believe I found her, along with 2 brothers. Literally 20 minutes from where I used to live. I passed over her name so many times because in 95 I had an attorney/friend write a letter to her because the name sort of matched and figured to try. It was a beautiful letter saying we wanted to know if she had give a girl up for adoption, I did not want to interfere with her life, but to thank her for giving me the gift of life, and we wanted any information and whatever she was willing to give. She denied it was her. I believed her, so for 20 plus years, everytime her name came up, I said it's not her, I already tried her. I have used 2 different search companies, hours and hours of research. A week ago, a investigator who is a friend of a friend dug around, and again her name. with the data that is now available, it can only be her, and there is a brother 18 months older than me, and a younger half brother 12 years younger than me. So she is now 77, and the brothers are 56 and 42 with families of there own. I see their profiles on FB, and some of the pictures of especially the one brother and myself there are many similarities. One of the nieces has many of the same pictures of my son. I had my husband (who has a wonderful british accent - he really is british) call her so to have an intermediary. The whole conversation lasted 20 seconds. He asked if she was the person we were looking for and said he was helping his wife look for her blood family - he didn't even say birth mother - she said I have only two sons very angrily and hung up the phone. So she has rejected me now a third time. The other night I had a whole meltdown about all this. I have always wanted a sibling. My kids would love uncles and 1st cousins. They have none as my ex husband was an only child as well. Confused about what to do. I really don't want to harass a 77 year old that clearly wants nothing to do with this, but I truly believe my brothers don't even know I exist. I would like to somehow introduce me into their lives. However, the fear of more rejection has me paralyzed to do anything. Thank God I don't live near them as 18 years ago I moved my family 600 miles away from where I was born.Suggestions anyone.[/quote]