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Hi all - I am really interested in fostering to adopt, but I hear all the horror stories of children having RAD. I never even knew what this was until I started looking into adopting. I cannot, and I repeat cannot, deal with a child with RAD. For one, I'm a single mom of a 15 yo son who is already going through those though teen years. I am not equipped to deal with a child with this disorder. I would like to foster to a adopt an older child ,9-12 yo. Do all children in foster care have some form of RAD? Thank you in advance, Shanna
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All children in Foster care do not have RAD. Many have Attachment issues. But RAD is rare even though it seems like in the foster community we hear a lot about it. (but then forums like this are for support and you need far more support if your child has an issue like RAD, so I think that is somewhat why we see so much of it). One nice thing about older kids is that usually they have been more verbal and therefore issues like RAD tend to be diagnosed quicker than if you were to take a 3 year old. Who gets diagnosed at 6
Not all children in foster care or an adoption program have such severe RAD that they cannot function well in a family.Attachment issues of all kinds are common in adoption, because most of the issues arise when a child develops a feeling that adults cannot be trusted -- a feeling that arises as a result of situations such as:1. Multiple placements, where a child does not have a sense of permanence; he/she begins to bond with one person, and then that person is no longer in his/her life;2. Neglect or inadequate attention, where a child learns that his/her cries will not be answered with assistance and tenderness.3. Abuse, where a child learns that an adult is a person who inflicts pain, either physically, sexually, or emotionally.Now, not all children develop attachment disorders, even after horrific treatment. Some children are extremely resilient, and manage to get through tough circumstances without psychic damage. Others, however, may be mildly, moderately, or severely affected by their circumstances. In some cases, it may be hard to determine why a child grows up with attachment disorder.The good news is that most children are affected only mildly or moderately. As an example, some children will stiffen up when you try to hug them, at first, because either they have never known tender caring or because they have come to expect people to hurt them. Some of these children will also not know how to make eye contact, because their previous caregivers never held them, played mirror games with them, and so on. And still other children with mild attachment issues may sleep in their favorite shoes, or keep a suitcase with their belongings nearby, because they don't believe that they will remain with their new parents. With time and constant attention by a loving foster or adoptive parent, most of these children will learn to welcome hugs and eye contact, as signs of love, and no therapies will be necessary. Likewise, they will no longer fear abandonment or a move to a new foster home. A more moderately affected child may lie outrageously, even when it's obvious that he/she is lying, because he/she has not yet fully developed a conscience, and because he/she fears punishment. Some children will lose the habit on their own, when there is permanence and love, but others will need therapy. Likewise, a moderately affected child may be indiscriminate in showing affection; he/she may hug the bus driver, but treat his/her parents like strangers, at times, because he/she hasn't fully come to understand bonding and attachment, and because he/she has learned that ingratiating himself/herself with adults may have benefits -- anything from a piece of candy to a privilege. Again, some children may lose the habiht on their own, while others may need therapy.Really severe attachment disorders, where a child never develops a conscience, may have no remorse about hurting someone or causing damage, may never come to regard his/her family as special, etc., are actually quite rare. Some may never be cured, although some behaviors can be improved with intensive, often residential, treatment. Moderate to severe attachment disorders can, at times, strain parents' marriages, damage relationships with other children, and result in adoption dissolution. But the good news is that very few children in foster care will have that level of damage.Unfortunately, you may not know from a profile whether a child has any symptoms of attachment disorder, early on. Most will not mention less serious behaviors. When you actually meet a child, however, you may get some clues. As an example, if the child rushes up to you, hugs you, and calls you Mom, that may sound wonderful, but it's actually a red flag. Most kids have a sense of caution when they meet new people. Indiscriminate affection suggests that a child is either very manipulative, using faked affection to get things he/she wants, or that he/she has never figured out the process of bonding/attachment. In either case, this can be a warning sign that the child has moderate to severe attachment problems, especially if he/she is of school age or has other behaviors that are concerning. Also, some attachment disordered children are given other mental health labels, or actually have other mental health issues. Make sure that you get as much mental health information as possible about a child whose adoption you are considering.In short, remember that:1. Attachment disorders are on a continuum from so mild to that they may self-correct in weeks once a child is in a safe and loving home, to so severe that a child cannot live in a family setting. Very severe attachment disorders are actually quite rare.2. Mild to moderate attachment disorders can often be treated successfully with the aid of a mental health professional, if the family is involved in the treatment and learns skills for promoting attachment behaviors. Unfortunately, there are some therapists who are not experienced in treating attachment disorders, or who use unscientific treatments or treatments that have been called abusive by reputable mental health organizations. These individuals may not help, and may actually harm, a child.3. Some behaviors that are cited as signs of attachment disorders may also be associated with other mental health conditions. It is important to get as full a picture as possible of a child's behaviors, and of any mental health treatments he he/she has received. 4. Most attachment disorders show up early in life, so getting as good a picture of a child's early life as possible may be very helpful, even if a person is considering the adoption of a teenager. While the family's history is often relevant, the important thing is to look at the child's behavior. As an example, I h ave a cousin, adopted at birth, from an unmarried woman, through an excellent agency. He had loving adoptive parents, a physician and a nurse. Yet it was clear that, from an early age, he had an attachment disorder. He did not care about his family's rules; he did what he wanted. He ingratiated himself with relatives, even if he barely knew them. He had very little evidence of a conscience. And as he grew older, his behaviors worsened, despite extensive counseling, in part because he got involved with drugs and alcohol. He was bright and studied law, but never passed the bar exam. He abandoned a wife and new baby to wander the country, getting people, mainly elderly, to invest in crazy schemes. He wound up in prison on major fraud charges, threatened the judge who sentenced him, threatened the judge's family, and so on. When he got out on parole, he continued his behaviors, even asking relatives for money and housing, even though he had been left a trust fund by his broken hearted parents, who by then had died. Sharon
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