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My husband and I would like to set a long term goal of wanting to adopt (2-3 years down the road), so that we can allow our current children to get a little older and work on finances for the adoption. Neither of us has a criminal record at all, but I have a sister and brother-in-law that do. We currently don't have contact with them, but the rest of the family has been wanting to possibly open up contact with them. I'm nervous, because they have been unpredictable in the past. They have children, and I would like to be able to get to know them, but I just don't trust my sister yet. They say they've changed, but they've said that in the past as well. When it comes to the process of adopting, would it be better to just stay cut off from family like that? I don't want to have an "incident" come up because of them and then ruin any chances we might have of adopting. I don't know much about home inspections or how much they delve into family history, etc. Does your family reflect at all on you when they do inspections and all that? Do they look into it at all? We've been wanting to adopt for awhile and I know the basics, but no inner details or workings of what it's like to start the actual process of adopting. I just don't want my sister's screw ups to reflect poorly on us. Thanks for any help or advice!
Police and child abuse clearances will be obtained, during the homestudy, for you and your spouse, plus any adult who lives with you. They will not be obtained for anyone else.
You "may" be asked, as part of the homestudy process, to have each spouse write a brief autobiography, following an outline given to you by the social worker. It may or may not ask about siblings, including how they were raised and what became of them. It is wise to be honest. You would be in the best position, probably, to say that, because of their criminal history, drug use, etc., you have minimal contact with them. However, if they are currently sober, have not had any child abuse or domestic violence convictions, etc., you could indicate that you have some contact, and would like them to meet your child, but will not let your child be alone with them and will stop contact if they relapse or commit new crimes.
The subject of relatives will come up during the social worker interviews, when you will be asked how your relatives feel about the adoption. This could also be a time when your siblings could be discussed in more detail. Once again, you can show compassion for them, and say that you are proud of them for trying to overcome their past difficulties, but indicate that, because drugs have been involved in the past (if that's true), you do not plan to have contact, or plan to have limited contact, never allowing your child to have unsupervised visits or visits when the relative is drunk or high.
The fact that your relative has children, and that the children were not removed from the family home, suggests that child abuse or neglect has not been involved in the criminal history. That suggests visitation might be possible, as long as you indicate that you will stop contact if you see any signs of substance abuse or criminal behaviors re-emerging. It should be made clear that you will not allow a child to be around adults who are high on drugs, drinking to excess, known for a violent temper, sex offenders, etc., and that you intend to raise your child to respect the law and avoid substance abuse.
Sharon
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