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Hi everyone. I'm going to try to break this situation down in the clearest and shortest detail I possibly can. I am a victim of longterm child abuse by my biological parents. From what I can remember it was always that way, and was roughly majority of my childhood. I unfortunately suffered various forms under my parents. I was a frequent couch surfer in high school and before that was not allowed to socialize or make friends. I am now 22 and it has been ~4 years since I was abandoned by my parents. I am here because I have been assessed by a psychologist and I am showing developmental deficits that are the same as foster kids, which are leading to serious problems with college, career and even my social life and relationships. I have developed PTSD and Schizoid Personality Disorder. I am desperate to try and reverse these problems. One way I know I could fix this is by having better parental role models in my life according to my psychologist. She even mentioned adult adoption however she didn't emphasize it because of how uncommon it is, but didn't shy away from how it would probably be the most ideal solution to my mental recovery. This is what brings me here. I became rather close with a teacher I had in high school. He was kind to me, listened to my problems, and ultimately became my godfather and my sponsor when I converted in high school to Catholicism at 17. He is my absolute hero, and I love this man to death. At the time all of this was going on, child services was being called because I was not going home, no one was looking after me or my two younger brothers, and I finally was able to speak up and told a high school guidance counselor. My biological parents in passing, and other teachers at my school I have found out made my teacher/godfather feel like he was part of the problem. This is true because unfortunately he distanced himself from the situation. Moving forward however, he still is in touch with me when I go back to my high school to visit, convinced me to seek therapy at 18, and has been the most stable adult relationship I have had in my life ever. He often asks me about how therapy is going, and helps me with things like that when I go back to the city. I mentioned that my psychologist thinks that ideally I would have the best recovery if I could find parental like figures (I didn't mention adult adoption). It would give me stability, support, reduce social stigma, and I wouldn't be so alone. I would also finally know what it's like to have people who care about me and see it's okay to have a good relationship with adults. All she asks is that these people be the same age as my biological parents. My godfather coincidentally is the same age as my biological parents. He told me that he thinks that "now is not the right time for me to be more involved" because of the negative reactions people gave him. The problem is that I want him to be more involved with me and I feel like he would if people hadn't of been so mean to him for wanting to help me. He even offered to talk to my psychologist at my college to figure out what I need to do to get better. If he's willing to even do that, is this a sign I may be able to convince him to step up and be the dad I've always needed? If he took me in I would be willing to work on following rules, work on these issues, and try to be apart of the family. It feels more "right" to me to call him dad than my biological father because when I needed dating advice in high school he gave me advice, I spent just about every day after school with him, and it just feels right. He makes me happy, and I feel safe around him. I think I make him happy too if after everyone telling him it was a bad idea to be my godfather, and that he was apart of "the problem", he's still present in my life. He took a picture with me at graduation because my parents did not even show up. My question is, has anyone been in this situation, or one like it? How can I go about changing this relationship around and slowly regain the trust I need so I can get the only father figure I've ever had in my life back? Is this my window of opportunity to change the relationship for the better? Is it appropriate to mention full blown adult adoption to him? I've been reading articles where adult students end up being adopted by former teachers who helped raise them/became close. Am I wrong for wanting to call my godfather my dad legally? This has been eating away at me and I do not know what to do so any honest advice I would appreciate. I want to be apart of a family and I want to know what it's like to feel and be loved. I am tired of all of the struggling I have had to go through growing up. - MP
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Hi Michael. I'm sorry you didn't get any responses when you posted this a year ago. Were you able to get advice or support elsewhere? How has this situation evolved since you last posted? I often see features about older teens hoping to be adopted and I feel like this post really hits home on how important that is . . . how TRUE it is that people at every age need a family. You're really never too old to need adults (or adultier adults :) who love and mentor and support and provide a safe landing place for you while you find your footing in the world.
Hi Michael. I'm sorry you didn't get any responses when you posted this a year ago. Were you able to get advice or support elsewhere? How has this situation evolved since you last posted? I often see features about older teens hoping to be adopted and I feel like this post really hits home on how important that is . . . how TRUE it is that people at every age need a family. You're really never too old to need adults (or adultier adults :) who love and mentor and support and provide a safe landing place for you while you find your footing in the world.
Hi! Thanks for being the only one to message me on this forum. Honestly a lot changed at this point. I kept with counseling, did some dialectical behavioral therapy and made a choice to change what I could. This included speaking to my godfather about how I felt it wasn't fair that I didn't get to know him the way I felt I was entitled too. I have just graduated from college, and honestly not much other than my happiness has changed. I still am struggling, but I can say now having a better relationship with him has happened. I realized now too, that this may be just as difficult on him as me. So while it's not really where I'd like it to be (close, interpersonal, caring and guiding) it's getting there I think :)
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