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I was adopted over 30 years ago however the adoption ghost still follows and haunts daily. Its the one thing I can count on every single birthday, holiday or special event. I won't have parents at any of those events but i'll have the ghost. He comes during every single horrible or terrific event. Sometimes its easy to push him out the door but not always and then you have to pay him mind. Sometimes the ghost makes you remember and face the tragic events that formed your life. He is neither kind or cruel but honest in reminding me of the bonds i was denied and he inspires the emotions I show to the outside world. I've never told anyone about the ghost, he is the family I never had b/c he is and always will be there. I hate him but he is the only constant in my life. He lives in my heart and my soul which makes him me. Its hard to not let him have total control over my life b/c this one little ghost has the power to bring me to my knees and crush me. why must I carry the ghost? Why must he follow me? The question is how do the ghost and I come to terms with each other? Just to be clear...No I do not think I have a ghost following me. The ghost is the adoption itself and the emotions that people that were adopted must carry around for a lifetime. The pain adoptees carry in their hearts can only be understood by another adoptee. The outside looking in feeling, the questions. The LONGING. I'm having a hard time at the moment; its like I pushed all the adoption stuff down deep and there is no where else for it to go but out. I've never been this upset for this long. Its time I start the healing process.
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Hi Riley, I have the ghost too. I have been in reunion for almost 30 yrs. and the ghost is still with me. It's haunting. It's like, a part of my soul that still feels loss even though my relationship with my birth family is intact. We long for reunion so much, but let me tell ya, once you're in reunion, the healing never stops. At least it hasn't for me. I live my life day to day, but there is a part of me that isn't living at all....like a ghost in-between life and the after life.....just there...sad. I have to deny it most of the time, but there are times when I just can't and I just cry and cry and cry. The ghostly part of me lives JUST beneath the surface and emerges at the drop of a hat....for no reason, at any time. It's been really strong as of late, so that's actually why I sought out this forum, so that I could get some counseling. Have you searched at all? I really think you should. Being with my birth family is the best. Being with them at a family event, I feel like a little kid at Christmas time, when you're feeling so loved and whole and the whole family is around you. It's hard to leave again (many of them live out of state) but I wouldn't change the happy moments I've shared for anything. They are a part of me, and I need them. I think that you have those same desires of feeling whole, and a part of something. You need to be reunited. Yes, there's a chance that it could go badly, but there's a bigger chance that things will be positive, and you need to hang on to that hope and go out there and do it. Thanks for your post. It was very therapeutic for me to read it. Good luck, friend.Laurie
I was adopted over 30 years ago however the adoption ghost still follows and haunts daily. Its the one thing I can count on every single birthday, holiday or special event. I won't have parents at any of those events but i'll have the ghost. He comes during every single horrible or terrific event. Sometimes its easy to push him out the door but not always and then you have to pay him mind. Sometimes the ghost makes you remember and face the tragic events that formed your life. He is neither kind or cruel but honest in reminding me of the bonds i was denied and he inspires the emotions I show to the outside world. I've never told anyone about the ghost, he is the family I never had b/c he is and always will be there. I hate him but he is the only constant in my life. He lives in my heart and my soul which makes him me. Its hard to not let him have total control over my life b/c this one little ghost has the power to bring me to my knees and crush me. why must I carry the ghost? Why must he follow me? The question is how do the ghost and I come to terms with each other? Just to be clear...No I do not think I have a ghost following me. The ghost is the adoption itself and the emotions that people that were adopted must carry around for a lifetime. The pain adoptees carry in their hearts can only be understood by another adoptee. The outside looking in feeling, the questions. The LONGING. I'm having a hard time at the moment; its like I pushed all the adoption stuff down deep and there is no where else for it to go but out. I've never been this upset for this long. Its time I start the healing process.
Last update on April 10, 10:54 am by megera39.
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I know the feeling and I avoided that ghost all the years i knew. But after 15 years of knowing and living with it(Now 31), I have finally learned that we have to face our fears or they will eat us alive. It may go well, it may go bad, but I have reached out to my half sisters who are angles. They accept me as a sister and not a half even when I'm a reminder that their father cheated on their mother with my birth mom. It may have gone the other way and they may have hated me, but it would still have given me peace knowing that the ghost that's hovering around me, doesn't scare me anymore.
I was adopted over 30 years ago however the adoption ghost still follows and haunts daily. Its the one thing I can count on every single birthday, holiday or special event. I won't have parents at any of those events but i'll have the ghost. He comes during every single horrible or terrific event. Sometimes its easy to push him out the door but not always and then you have to pay him mind. Sometimes the ghost makes you remember and face the tragic events that formed your life. He is neither kind or cruel but honest in reminding me of the bonds i was denied and he inspires the emotions I show to the outside world. I've never told anyone about the ghost, he is the family I never had b/c he is and always will be there. I hate him but he is the only constant in my life. He lives in my heart and my soul which makes him me. Its hard to not let him have total control over my life b/c this one little ghost has the power to bring me to my knees and crush me. why must I carry the ghost? Why must he follow me? The question is how do the ghost and I come to terms with each other? Just to be clear...No I do not think I have a ghost following me. The ghost is the adoption itself and the emotions that people that were adopted must carry around for a lifetime. The pain adoptees carry in their hearts can only be understood by another adoptee. The outside looking in feeling, the questions. The LONGING. I'm having a hard time at the moment; its like I pushed all the adoption stuff down deep and there is no where else for it to go but out. I've never been this upset for this long. Its time I start the healing process.