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So I am almost 3 years post reunion. My sister is the one who found me on August 31, 2013. I didn't know much about my birth family except I knew that my birth parents were around my adoptive parents' ages and that my birth father wrote poetry. When we reunited, I found out that my birth mother had passed away 8 years ago, which I was very sad about. But i found out I had 5 older brother and a younger sister. I was the only one who was adopted out, but i am not bitter. I love my parents and I know that the decision was made that was best in my situation. When we first met, we spent time together. I met my birth father once but we talked a lot on the phone. He died a little over a year ago and I still have his voice mails on my phone. I'll never delete them. But since his death, it feels like my siblings have started pulling away. I feel like I'm abandoned again. They have told me that they really don't communicate with one another and I believe that. But they have 30+ years to understand that's the way they are. In case someone asks me, my birth father was very happy to have met me. He did NOT add me to his will. I was recently invited to a baby shower for my one brother's wife but due to circumstances beyond my control I wasn't able to go. I just feel like they're abandoning me. They all have my cell phone number and I do once in a while text them or give them a call. But I try not to be too pushy. Anyone have some advice? My oldest brother hated my birth father for most of his life and a lot of it was because he gave me up. He was 11 when I was born, so he remembers best.
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Hi Sharon, One thing really struck me about your post: That your oldest brother hates your birth father for the adoption. I think you should write him a letter (yes, the old fashioned kind.) I think that he probably has some pretty deep scars. When he was 11 he may have felt that HE himself was giving up on you, and that has probably stayed with him. He needs a relationship with you. The life of an adoptee CAN BE, and often IS, a tragedy....even if our lives were great. We are victims because we had no choice. I think that you need to just tell them how you feel -- in letters. Letters allow people to delve into their own feelings on their own time. Even if your siblings are not ready to deal with their own feelings, they have your letter that they can always go back and read again, to refer to. Don't ever give up on having a relationship with your siblings. I'm so sorry that your birthparents have passed on....I really am. That must be very painful. It's something that I think about a lot...my own birth parents dieing. It's part of my own personal problems I have as an adoptee. But, you must move ahead and try your best to be as much a part of your siblings lives as possible....ESPECIALLY because they are whole siblings. (My birth siblings are only half siblings, so that throws a twist on the whole thing.) I hope you find peace.LaurieSo I am almost 3 years post reunion. My sister is the one who found me on August 31, 2013. I didn't know much about my birth family except I knew that my birth parents were around my adoptive parents' ages and that my birth father wrote poetry. When we reunited, I found out that my birth mother had passed away 8 years ago, which I was very sad about. But i found out I had 5 older brother and a younger sister. I was the only one who was adopted out, but i am not bitter. I love my parents and I know that the decision was made that was best in my situation.When we first met, we spent time together. I met my birth father once but we talked a lot on the phone. He died a little over a year ago and I still have his voice mails on my phone. I'll never delete them. But since his death, it feels like my siblings have started pulling away. I feel like I'm abandoned again. They have told me that they really don't communicate with one another and I believe that. But they have 30+ years to understand that's the way they are. In case someone asks me, my birth father was very happy to have met me. He did NOT add me to his will. I was recently invited to a baby shower for my one brother's wife but due to circumstances beyond my control I wasn't able to go. I just feel like they're abandoning me. They all have my cell phone number and I do once in a while text them or give them a call. But I try not to be too pushy.Anyone have some advice? My oldest brother hated my birth father for most of his life and a lot of it was because he gave me up. He was 11 when I was born, so he remembers best.[/quote]
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