I don't know if I just cannot attach to my child or I just don't want to be a mother. I have always loved children. I am aunt to so many of my friends kids. I was always envious of them going trick or treating or to birthday parties, etc while I sat home. I am single and finally made the decision to adopt in my early 40s. So now I have this beautiful, sweet and adorable little boy who was mine 24 hours after he was born. I was in the delivery room and cut the cord. The second they placed that baby in my arms, I felt absolutely nothing. He would lay on me and sleep and everyone around me would say 'isn't that the best feeling?' And in my head I would think 'no.' I truly felt nothing. I started reading about PAD and assumed I had that. I wanted nothing to do with him and I hired a baby nurse for the first 3 months because I just didn't want to deal. Well now he is almost 14 months old and nothing has changed. I love him and want what's best for him, but I have zero desire to take care of him. I find that all he does is irritate me and I want him to leave me alone. I never feel the urge to hug him or kiss him. I don't know if it's him or I have realized after all of this that I just don't want to be a mom. I feel like I have someone's else's child living in my house. Anyone out there experience this and does it ever get better?? I never felt depressed or like crying about this, but lately I have because I thought it would have been better by now. I literally feel like I could go on vacation for a week and I wouldn't miss him for 5 minutes. People don't understand and say 'oh I doubt that.' It's very isolating. Hoping others have some wise words to help. Thanks so much.
Hi Dana,
I know you posted this a while ago, but I just wanted to check in and see how things are going with you now.
First, though, I want to thank you for reaching out about your experience. In our culture we're bombarded with messages and images that convey mothers immediately and fiercely attaching to their babies, and it's easy to feel broken when you don't fit that mold.
Second, I want you to know that you're not alone. I recently read an article estimating that around 1 in 5 new mothers don't feel bonded to their children. It's hard to know that, though, when so many people stay silent about their experiences.
Not knowing you or all the details about your experience, it's hard to give advice in this situation. There are lots of factors that could be coming into play here: Sleep deprivation, a strained relationship with your own parents, grief over the loss of the way your life was before becoming a mother. published a great article on this topic a few months ago, called "When You Don't Even Like Your Child." (Here's the URL: ) The author acknowledges the reality of the situation you're experiencing and provides some simple advice for bonding with your child.
You may want to consider seeking out the advice of a professional if your concerns persist.