Second thoughts?

Hi, all! My husband and I took our first foster placement in January this year. We brought home a 4 day old baby girl from the hospital and 4 weeks later brought her 16 month old brother home with us. Bio mom has said from the beginning that she does not want baby girl but does want baby boy so he was only expected to be short term foster care, though our goal has always been adoption for both. Well, it is now looking like adoption. Birth mom's rights will be terminated at the next court hearing. But we are second guessing ourselves. We fell in love with baby girl immediately. It has been harder with baby boy. He is older, has some mild behavior issues, and of course we've had it in our minds that he's going back to mom. So I'm hopeful that we can still bond with him. But so far, we really haven't. We'll have days where we feel bonded and like we love him and then we'll have days where we just feel like we're babysitting someone's I'll behaved child. I feel so awful. They are a package deal. We will not adopt one without the other. I have no second thoughts about adopting baby girl. But I will not adopt baby boy unless I'm sure that I love him just as much. Not because of my feelings but because of his. He deserves a family that loves him like their own. Is it normal to feel the way I'm feeling? Will I eventually bond with him once bio mom is out of the picture? Has anyone else been in this situation??

Have you asked your Pediatrician or your own Doctor what they see or what they would recommend?? What do you do as a ' Bedtime Routine ' with the ' potential son to be ' ?Do you do the ' Bedtime Routine '. do you switch with husband , or does Husband do the entire routine regularly??

It sounds like you have strong feelings against ' Mama ' ?? What are your feelings towards ' Mama ' please??

We share the bedtime routine. I probable do it 4-5 nights a week and my husband 2-3. It's a typical routine. Brush teeth, change clothes, bed time story, cuddles. I actually have a good relationship with birth mom. I meet with her on our own time for her to see baby boy. The visits are fewer and further between as she is doing much worse. But I care a lot about her as I do the kids.

I would say, "Fake it till you make it" with regard to the boy. Unless he has severe RAD, he will bond with you and you will bond with him. Attachment takes time -- sometimes as much as a year or more. Yes, there will be times you feel as if you are the babysitter, and times you feel as if he was born to you. Consult with a therapist who is familiar with attachment in adoption, to see if you and the child can benefit from therapy, and if your son's behavior is typical of an active toddler, or disordered.Sharon