Wondering Why I Can't Connect

About six months ago we had our first foster placement - two toddlers with a return home goal. Although we don't have a lot of answers on how the parents are doing, they see the kids a LOT, and from everything I've read, that's a pretty good sign for reunification, right? Anyway, I'm a bit emotionally exhausted with these kids - for some reason I don't feel like I connect. I'm not big on emotions, and I want what's best for them, but I don't feel any connection. And I wonder why, because it might affect what we do once the kids go home - whether or not we take another placement, and what type of child we may be willing to take. Is it because they are reunification? I mean, it's harder than I thought it would be to get constant "feedback" from the parents. The SW is great, but she has a way of making me feel a little beat down - like constant reminds that these aren't our kids. Almost as if we aren't allowed by the parents and the state to be concerned about their well being. SW talks about "co-parenting" but she really means she wants us to parent the way the biological parents would do it, because we know if we were to make a suggestion the other way around I'm pretty sure they would tell us these aren't our kids bug off. So I feel maybe that's harder to connect. Or because of the reunification goal, it's hard to get excited about their future? Like, oh I can't wait to see them when they're six years old and saying what they want to be when they grow up...oh wait... Or is it because we didn't have them from birth? These are our first children ever, and in one of the forums they said childless parents should start with infants. I wonder if that would help me put some of their toddler behavior in perspective, and I wonder if some of their behaviors would be different if they were with us from the beginning. I'm afraid that it might be because they aren't "our" biological kids, and that wears me down. I have always thought it shouldn't make a difference and, honestly, other than those two reasons I already mentioned before, I'm not sure that I can see that it does, but it makes me wonder. My last thought is maybe I just don't like kids? These are good kids and as hard as it is for me to "feel connected", like I said, I really care about their well being and their future. I'd probably adopt them if that was a possibility, which it never will be. I feel like I'm giving it 100% despite the reunification goal, but there's just no emotional connection there.

Most states the total or full Child Advocacy is if it is in the ' Best Interests ' of the Child. Under 8 years old is usually reunification with either the Birth Parents or Related Family... From your description, it sounds like the Kids were removed for simple logic... We have ' Fostered ' and ' Fostered to Adopt ' since 2000. I myself get ' beat down ' with why doesn't the System look at the entire ' Triad .' I decided early on to not have ' Biological Kids ' ... I do not feel a genuine loss of this. To me Professionally and as a Mom. You yourself are having issues??

My last placement was a girls who I had known since birth and had spent considerable amount of time with them before they were placed with me. I did not have a connection with either of them. I don't know if it was because I had known them or because of the anger I felt towards BM for her actions. I still don't know the answer. I did vent to a friend and she said " some people you make connections with and some you don't, it is the same way with placements." I had felt I had cheated them by not having a connection. I still treated them like they were my own children, but felt a big relief when they went home. Like I could finally take a breath and relax.

Thank you both for your insight.More and more I am afraid the reason I can't connect is because of the return home goal - some days I feel like the SW just shoves it down our throat. We went into this understanding the reunification goal and really not having a preference for adopting. But the SW and birth mother make me feel like I'm an outsider with these kids - like I have no business getting close to them, and maybe that's been rubbing off. That, and she's encouraging behaviors in them that I find hard to work with.Part of me wants to specifically ask for children available for adoption next time, but part of me realizes that some of this is a learning curve and to take whatever placement we get next time, even if it's a reunification goal.

Basically, I am stuck with how to answer you please?? To me it sound like ' Case Mangagement ' is only doing their job ..It also sounds like ' Birth Mom ' is somewhat or could be jealous of the relationship . That you have. That you are probably doing way better at.She or they may have only committed something ' minor ' for the Kids to have been removed from her Care...I would possibly change Agencies?If I stayed with this as a Current Agency I then would also ask for an Older age . That would be more likely to be ' Adoptable ' ???