I so need advice. I found my birth mom and she is great.

Hi MeMe,I am a birth mother; I found my bson when he was 31. He had registered here on adoption.com but all his information was out of date. I actually located his parents first and my first contact was with his adad. His parents shared the information with him and then let him choose to make the contact in his own time. When he did contact me, he asked me not to tell his parents until he was ready. He did tell them and we have all met. His parents had actually been given fairly accurate information about his bdad and me (as much as they were told) so he had grown up knowing that we were in college when he was born and not in a good place to raise him. (What they didn't know was that his bdad had gotten engaged and married to someone else after I was pregnant with him.) They had kept the one promise I had been given in that he grew up knowing he was adopted. D was interested in finding someone who looked like him. (He looks more like me than either of my other 2 children. ) His wife told me that the first thing he did after talking with his parents was to go to my church's website and find my picture. Since 2005 we have build a good relationship that we describe as comfortable and healthy. He calls me by his first name and his children call me NanaKathy. Neither of us has been interested in replacing his parents with me. His adad died of cancer in 2000 so he never got to meet him unfortunately. I don't know if it helped him but he did learn that he was never a secret. I will say it took a little while for his mom to become comfortable. As I said, both of us were clear that I would never take her place in his life (nor would I try to do so). They remain close and I am glad it is so . I am welcomed to D's home anytime. We originally lived in the same state but he has since moved his family across the country so we don't spend much time together. When he was here he loved to have large family gathering that he invited us to as well. I think there are as many ways to do this as there are people. Some adoptees want very close relationships to the birth family and others want distance. Some birth parents want to reclaim the adoptees and others want the distance to remain. The best time is when both sides agree on the closeness of the relationship. Do not rate your wants on the basis of anyone else's story. Just do as much healing of yourself as possible so that you are in the best place you can be.