Hello everyone,
I have a really important question...how hard is it to adopt if you are single? Let's just say hypothetically, I don't have a spouse and I am not close to getting one. Is this even a possibility? What if I have a steady income, could provide a child with a wonderful home, have a lot of love to give and resources to help. I know many single women who have similar questions, is there advice from someone who has been down single adoption avenue?
Last update on January 9, 11:45 am by Jules Peterson.
I could answer your question much better please??
If you decided or clarified what type of Adoption Foster Care, Foster to Adopt, Domestic or International Adoptions you are looking for or seeking please??
Also what type of Support System would you and the child (ren) have outside of your Family...
You sound fantastic, great, wonderful and awesome, but what a Social Worker would ' scrutinize ' is your relationship with other People.
You also just can't barely make it work!! There needs to be a lot of effort shown on your behalf or component of Parenting!!
Besides Wonderful . How would you describe your home as well also..
Some people think that a one bedroom or Studio apartment and ' Co-Sleeping ' is adequate, but Social Services might deny this..
Even if it seems Wonderful, Great, Fantastic and Awesome to ya'll as Parenting!!
Thank you so much Juli, for your advise. I live in a 4 bedroom house right now. I am actually doing a lot of renovating. It should be done, by next year. I was hoping to look into adoption, infant by that time. I am looking at Foster care too. I have my family close by and my job allows me to work from home. Have you gone through single parent adoption yet? Are the Social workers harder on potential signal parents?
1 Liked
 likes this.
The only hard component . That a Case Management will look for being a Single Parent is.
Who or what do you do to relieve stress and do you have Friends , ( Family ) , or a Network of People as a Support System.
I would also read Profiles of Birth Moms and see if you can . ' Live Up to their Expectations or Standards ' of Parenting!!
I am not trying to be ' personally judgemental or negative ' , but I work from home too. We sound like we ' Hermit ' rather than get outside!!
1 Liked
 likes this.
Hi Jules. Juli is right about being prepared for hard questions as well as getting your situation in optimum shape before beginning the process. When the social worker comes for the home study, besides looking at safety and security, they will examine the specifics - that is, are you and the child a good match for each other. They want your adoption to be successful (just as you do!) so being ready in all ways to adopt will make everything flow more smoothly. Good luck!
Hello everyone,
I have a really important question...how hard is it to adopt if you are single? Let's just say hypothetically, I don't have a spouse and I am not close to getting one. Is this even a possibility? What if I have a steady income, could provide a child with a wonderful home, have a lot of love to give and resources to help. I know many single women who have similar questions, is there advice from someone who has been down single adoption avenue?
What I would recommend as well also.
Go to local and Free or No Cost Agency Orientations.
Ask your questions where you can Physically see and hear the responses .
Online we are unable to hear the persons Tone of Voice!!
1 Liked
 likes this.
I'm welcoming you personally to our Single Parent Adoption site because I am a single adoptive parent with a passion for helping other singles adopt. I too struggled with whether or not I could, and should, adopt but I did my research, fought the naysayers and pursued my dream.
1 Liked
 likes this.
I recently encountered an interesting series about single foster parenting on a blog I enjoy. You might want to take a look. It's not adoption, per se, but still very relevant. Just go to http://www.amusingmaralee.com and search for "single foster parent" . . . all the articles should show up there!
I guess I'm qualified to speak, as I adopted as a single woman -- actually long, long divorced -- back in 1997, and my daughter is now 21 years old. My daughter was 18.5 months old when I adopted her from China, and I was nearly 51 when she came home.
I can only say that adoption by singles is not only possible, but extremely common, these days. And singles do all kinds of adoption -- domestic newborn adoption, private adoption, domestic foster care adoption, and international adoption. I know many people, mostly women, who are single parents via adoption.
Nowadays, most agencies do not discriminate against single women. There are, however, some foreign countries that don't allow singles to adopt, and agencies must accept their requirements. And some countries and agencies may choose not to place with women who are openly lesbian. Single men DO face an extra level of scrutiny, because there is sitll an all-too-common belief that if a man wants to nurture a child, he "must be a pedophile" or "he must be gay" (said in a tone indicating disapproval of gay men.) Single men of any orientation may find it difficult to adopt internationally, or to adopt a newborn or infant, but if they are willing to jump through a lot of extra hoops, they can usually adopt from foster care or do a private adoption.
When I adopted my daughter from China, I was part of a group of eight families that traveled together -- five married couples and three single women, including me. We have all remained friendly, and my daughter was especially close to two of the kids adopted by single women and one adopted by a married couple. And we knew many other families headed by single women, many with children from China, but also children from other countries (including the U.S.), a child of a woman who had an unplanned pregnancy in the U.S. and chose to parent, lesbian couples, families headed by grandparents, and so on. One thing that tends to be helpful when you adopt as a single is living in an area where there are many different types of families, including families headed by single women. That way, your child doesn't need to feel "odd" for having only a Mommy. Most kids of single Moms go through a stage of wishing that they had a Dad, but they will go through it less traumatically if they see other families who don't fit the Mom-Dad-kid picture.
Another thing you should have is a strong social support network. Being a single parent is hard work, and sometimes, you will run into situations where you need an extra pair of hands to assist, a shoulder to cry on, or someone to provide respite because you have the flu and a temperature of 103. Your social support network can include helpful family members, but it can also include friends, and especially adoptive parents. I managed to shatter my kneecap when my daughter was two, and I really valued the help of my friends, old and new. Also, make sure that you have a support network that includes some decent male role models; both male and female children need role models of both genders. Again, these men can be relatives or friends -- even ex-boyfriends, if nice. I had planned for my child to get to know a wonderful male cousin and an old boyfriend of mine, who was the father of two and grandfather of three children. My daughter wound up liking them -- but her "main man" became the Japanese husband in a family that cared for Becca when I had to have surgery. He and Becca remain friends, in the nicest possible way, to this day, even though he has divorced and remarried; my daughter was a bridesmaid in the wedding, along with his daughter.
Single adoptive parenting can be very difficult; I don't want to mislead you. But I was surprised to find that it was actually easier than I expected, given all the gloom and doom scenarios that some people told me about. It IS true that you may never again have enough money, enough time, or enough sleep. But I can tell you that, at 71, when I look back at the wonderful life I've had, the most significant thing I feel that I've done was adopting my daughter. And the fact is, she's doing remarkably well. She's finishing college, with excellent grades. She already has a job for after graduation. She is self-supporting, except for the financial aid that her university gives her. She has had a steady boyfriend for over three years. She does her own taxes, reads leases like a pro, picks her own health plan, drives safely, flies to job interviews all over the country, and is hoping to get an MBA after working for a few years. Heck, she even keeps in touch with Mom!
My best wishes to you as you contemplate adopting. And don't hesitate to contact me if you want to talk by email or phone. If you'll PM me on this site, I'll send along my information.
Sharon
1 Liked
 likes this.