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Hello,
I was wondering if anyone had any advice for helping convince my spouse to agree to foster children. It's not that he's against it, he's just not crazy about it. I think a lot of it stems from hearing horror stories about fostering older children (which is definitley not the rule for fostering older children). Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
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I just watched an interesting video about a couple in this exact situation. The husband was a school counselor or something and had seen the harder aspects of fostering/adopting and was like, "Yeah, I don't really want to do that." In the end, it came down to the couple deciding to make decisions based on love, not fear. Their story is pretty awesome. Check it out.
You can watch it here:
What helped with mine is showing him how big the need is to having loving, stable and understanding parents. I was lucky that both him and me have extensive experience with kids, so he already had a softer ear and heart towards the matter.
For movie nights, I would put on movies regarding fostering or adoption. I would show him articles that came up regarding abandoned and abused children. He started to see more and more of the problem. Even just going to a gas station and seeing a poor little shoeless two year old with only a diaper being dragged around by a father with headphone like a sack of meat as the girl desperately tried to get his attention. He started seeing how important it was and how if someone like him didn't do it, who had extensive experience, who would love these kids?
Maybe volunteer together at a children's program, whether it be coaching or tutoring. Him getting more experience with kids might help make him feel more comfortable. The nightmares from older kids come from people who don't understand what they are getting into, as well as where the kids come from that cause these behaviors.
I love the idea of volunteering with older children. I always forget my husband doesn't have as much experience with children as I do. And it's amazing what a little education and information can do to make a person aware of a problem.
Thanks for the suggestions Max!
What helped with mine is showing him how big the need is to having loving, stable and understanding parents. I was lucky that both him and me have extensive experience with kids, so he already had a softer ear and heart towards the matter.
For movie nights, I would put on movies regarding fostering or adoption. I would show him articles that came up regarding abandoned and abused children. He started to see more and more of the problem. Even just going to a gas station and seeing a poor little shoeless two year old with only a diaper being dragged around by a father with headphone like a sack of meat as the girl desperately tried to get his attention. He started seeing how important it was and how if someone like him didn't do it, who had extensive experience, who would love these kids?
Maybe volunteer together at a children's program, whether it be coaching or tutoring. Him getting more experience with kids might help make him feel more comfortable. The nightmares from older kids come from people who don't understand what they are getting into, as well as where the kids come from that cause these behaviors.
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I would connect with other foster parents to hear their experience and maybe hang out and have him see for himself what it's like. Many men seem to need the hands on experience to get on board. Be patient with him, and don't beat him over the head with it. Plant the seeds and let him figure it out. It's hard though. I had a heart for it for 6 years before we accepted our first placement. It took my husband that long to be okay with it.
Here is our story of what it took to get us there as a family: