I know that in foster care training you get informed of all the ins and outs. Most places offer really thorough training. But I also realize that until you actually experience parenting foster children, you can't really know everything. So, other than saying good-bye to a child you've cared for an loved, what really is the hardest part? Is it disciplining? Is it food time? Is it family rules? What is hard for you, and how do you get past that and make the experience a rich one?
For the trauma: lying, disrespect (both to me and to other adults), not listening to teachers; my youngest had a tantrum in a store where he laid out on the floor and was either crying or screaming. The 2 little ones have also tried "leaving" home. Also, as they heal (once they start to bond and feel safe they'll start healing), they will regress. Out of the blue, they'll do something and you'll wonder why. They also have triggers which set them off. For my youngest, it's being yelled. Not sure if you've read Bryan Post, but one these is to always be calm. This works in theory; in real life, it's different. but it does make a difference.
I can imagine that the loss and trauma that kids have gone through is difficult to navigate. @millie58 what have you experienced? What insight do you have to help in the transition and coping?
I think the thing you just mentioned, Juli, is the reason so many people avoid becoming foster parents in the first place. Is there anything you would say to someone who says they think they "just couldn't handle" it?
There is a ' Ginormous ' or huge need for ' Respite Care Providers ' from Birth up to 18 years old.
With ' Respite Care ' you are able to ' Get your feet wet ' with out making a commitment.
I have been a Foster Mom and have Professionally worked in Juvenile Dependency since 2000.
Personally, I do not feel . Fostering or Adopting is for Families who have at least one ' weak heart?? '
Rachel, my friends who foster always answer that with, "I can't handle it either. BUT I have stability, I will heal, I will overcome. This child? They need a family and are worth the risk of my heart hurting, for them." Totally selfless and out of love.
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I think alot of people do not really have education or understanding to make a informed or educated decision like Fostering and Foster to Adoption as well also!!
I used to think that Teenagers are very ' ginormously ' and extremely difficult!!!
But my own perspective changed with Fostering and Fostering to Adopt!!
They themselves also let or allow you to see ' Life ' . Either in a different perspective, or outlook...
JULIE, I think you are so right when it comes to lack of education/knowledge. I so want to always be encouraging people to learn more and understanding more...and seeing that these kids are humans deserving of a good and stable home too. Even if only temporarily. It's once we cross from "how this will hurt me" to "how can I help lessen the hurt of this child/teen?" that we are able to really learn, huh? I am always trying to share info on my social media sites and whatnot...but you know know what you know, am i right?
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JULIE, I think you are so right when it comes to lack of education/knowledge. I so want to always be encouraging people to learn more and understanding more...and seeing that these kids are humans deserving of a good and stable home too. Even if only temporarily. It's once we cross from "how this will hurt me" to "how can I help lessen the hurt of this child/teen?" that we are able to really learn, huh? I am always trying to share info on my social media sites and whatnot...but you know know what you know, am i right?
JULIE, I think you are so right when it comes to lack of education/knowledge. I so want to always be encouraging people to learn more and understanding more...and seeing that these kids are humans deserving of a good and stable home too. Even if only temporarily. It's once we cross from "how this will hurt me" to "how can I help lessen the hurt of this child/teen?" that we are able to really learn, huh? I am always trying to share info on my social media sites and whatnot...but you know know what you know, am i right?
The Advocacy and the Conferences that Natalie has suggested.
If you have not gone previously?
Are beyond ' Stellar ' and Awesome!!
Gives your ability or ideas of Parenting or Parenting Techniques a whole new or a broader spectrum . To ' Grow as a Family and as a Parent ' from!!
Are also a great way to ' In Person ' or ' Intimately ' Connect and have a Relationship with People from the Forums. Rather than a ' World Wide Web' or Internet Only Relationship!!
The Advocacy and the Conferences that Natalie has suggested.
If you have not gone previously?
Are beyond ' Stellar ' and Awesome!!
Gives your ability or ideas of Parenting or Parenting Techniques a whole new or a broader spectrum . To ' Grow as a Family and as a Parent ' from!!
Are also a great way to ' In Person ' or ' Intimately ' Connect and have a Relationship with People from the Forums. Rather than a ' World Wide Web' or Internet Only Relationship!!
I agree with NB, the limbo is hardest for me. You are totally rearranging things in your life to fit these kids in and you are expected to just "do it". Yet you have no actual say in most matters and decisions are told to you afterwards, if at all, without any of your input. As a kinship caregiver I have been told that it's my "responsibility" as family to do what we are doing.
And for me, it hurts knowing that sometimes the parents aren't willing to put forth half the effort that you are for THEIR child/children.
Our Home State of California and in most states.
The Advocacy is reunification with the Birth Parents or some typing of relative , for any child who is under the age of 10!!