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In our case, our adopted son decided at age 21 to search for his birth parents. We found his birth mother and the reunification was sweet. That was 3 years ago and they are still in touch and have a good, but distant relationship. HOWEVER, I feared for his birth mother for about a year. She stayed in contact with me as well and expressed a lot of negative thoughts that the reunion brought on. My son looks almost exactly like his birth father, and although she loves our son, the reunification has taken her back to a time in her life that was really hard. She's expressed a lot of negative feelings about herself and even suicidal thoughts. In our case, I'm not so sure that finding and reuniting was a good thing. Anyone out there have similar experiences? Did things eventually even out?
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Denalee,Have you asked her whether she regrets the reunion? The reunion may bring up negative emotions from the past but she may grow stronger as a person by dealing with them now. It depends on whether or not she deals with the past in a healthy way. Counseling may be very helpful although I must say that it is important to find a counselor who has understanding of and experience with adoption issues. To often birth parents have been told to "just get over it."I have been in reunion with my birth son for 12 years. Overall it has been a very positive experience for me. (I just spent a couple days with them and met my new great-grand daughter for the first time.) I have a good relationship with both my son and his parents and I love watching my grandchildren grow up. All that said, reunion has brought up a lot of emotions and issues I thought I'd already dealt with. I think the regret is even greater. (I can't imagine how I'd feel if I discovered he'd been abused or had parents who mistreated him.) There are sad days and depressing days, but overall the joy of knowing where he is and knowing that he wants me to be part of his and his families lives far outweighs the negatives. I always try to focus on the love!Blessings,Kathy
Last update on February 13, 8:05 pm by kakuehl.
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