Rocky Reunion . . . Does She Want Me Or Doesn't She?

I recently read this letter in an advice column (you can find it here:). Birth moms, adoptees, what advice would YOU give to this woman? "I was adopted at birth 30 years ago. At 20, I found a letter from my birth mom saying she hopes I find her and she'll try finding me because she wants a relationship with me.I was looking for her for years and couldn't find her. Five years ago, someone started up a conversation with me and, by chance, happened to know my birth mom, so gave me her name.I've tried communicating with her many times. She comes around once every two years and only talks to me when I message her.She has four other kids who know nothing about me. She gives my kids gifts and they wonder who she is. I can't tell them because she's never around long enough.I've told her several times that I'm done trying. It's eating me up inside to see how good a mom and grandma she is to her other kids.I've told her I have to let her go, but she keeps saying she wants a relationship.Am I setting myself up for failure? Should I just realize that I'm never going to be part of her family?"