Adoptee now a mum

Hi Tyla,I am not an adoptee, but your feelings of anger, neglect and pain are completely normal, especially as you are going through a big life change and your body is experiencing significant hormonal changes. Have you considered visiting with your medical provider to discuss the possibility of postpartum depression? I suffered from severe postpartum depression after my first son was stillborn. I found the help of my doctor and counselor very comforting.My husband and I just adopted a little boy just a couple of weeks ago and I will admit that prior to meeting our son's birth mom I wondered how someone could place a child for adoption. As I got to know about our son's birth mom and her situation, I learned that she did not place him for adoption because she did not love him. She did it purely in the best interest of her son and his future. She told us that her circumstances were such that she could not care for a child or provide financially nor emotionally. She wanted him to grow up with parents who could provide stability in all aspects of his life and love him unconditionally. It was a choice that she did not make lightly and as a new adoptive mom, I am beyond grateful for the opportunity that she has given me to have a family.

Hi Tyla, I am not an adoptee, so I can't completely understand what you are going through, but I wanted to give my perspective as a birth mother. I placed a beautiful baby girl 18 months ago, and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. One of the biggest fears I have is that one day she will have to go through the hurt and anger that you are going through. I am fortunate enough to have an open adoption, so I hope that I will be able to explain to her that I placed because it was the only way she would be able to have a healthy, normal life. I have never met a birth mother who didn't love her child just as much as you love yours. We do NOT want to part with our children. Placing my baby was the hardest thing I have ever done, it still hurts my heart every day. But I did what I had to for her sake. It's okay to feel angry- adoption is traumatic. So many people expect adoptees to be grateful and look at adoption as all sunshine and rainbows. That isn't fair. You can feel sad and angry and neglected because there is a big part of your story that you don't know. I hope you find this community to be a source of support. This is a safe place to talk about and work through those emotions. You are not alone.

It's not uncommon for adoptees to revisit their adoption story with more intensity after becoming parents themselves. This might be the time for you to consider searching for your birth parents to get some answers.