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And what makes a bad one? What are things I should look for in an adoption agency or attorney - and what are some red flags I should watch for?
I have some pretty strong feelings about agencies and the duty they have to facilitate ethical adoptions. Here's a quick list of the things I think are important.
1. Transparency of funds- If you're paying 50k to adopt a child, you deserve to know where that 50k is going. Many agencies say a lot of those funds go to supporting birth mothers financially during their pregnancies- but are they really? The best way to figure this out is to try and find a birth mom who has placed through the agency and make sure they really were being taken care of. Make sure your money is going toward the right things instead of into the pockets of the administration. If they refuse to give you an itemized list of where your funds are going, chances are something is amiss.
2. How are they treating birth moms? Are they pressuring them to place? Are they shaming them? Are they being provided both pre and post placement counseling? Again, finding a birth mom who has previously placed through the agency will answer these questions. The way they talk about birth parents to you is also a big indicator of how they are treating them behind closed doors.
3. How do they handle contact between you and the birth parents post placement? If you feel pressured to commit to a level of contact (whether open or closed) that you aren't comfortable with, go somewhere else or it will cause you and likely the birth parents a lot of headache later on.
4. How much education are they providing you on parenting an adopted child? Talking to them about adoption and explaining their story will be a big part of parenting them. Your agency should help you learn how to do that.
5. Does your agency genuinely care about adoptees? They are the most important part of the picture, and should be spoken of and treated as such.
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