Who has done foster to adopt?

My husband and I are considering doing foster to adopt the next time we expand our family. What have your experiences been like going through the foster care system? What challenges did you have?

Develop a thick thick skin... and develop a thick thick skin. Be prepared for people to drop by: case workers, GALs, nurses, etc. Have plenty of free time for appointments. Do research. Realize that kids in foster care have been through trauma, first with birth parents, then with separation from birth parents. Their anger and trauma will come out in many many ways.

We are currently undergoing the foster adoption process. Don't expect it to go quickly. We have had our four year old for three months and his case plan just got changed to adoptive after almost two full years in OOHC. He has RAD and PTSD. We are currently tapering him off of medicine (Risperdal) which is causing him to have behaviors such as outburst, yelling, bossiness, hitting, etc so that's something to keep in mind. He also has meltdowns. I love him and wouldn't trade him for the world, but just as PP said, keep in mind that these kids have experienced trauma in some way, so we see behaviors that your biokids wouldn't always do. The plus side of it is that you are giving a child a much healthier, safer, and loving home, also it is typically free or very inexpensive to adopt from the system.

I have always heard going through the foster system can be very physically and emotionally demanding, so I really appreciate the time you have taken to respond. Foster care has always been something that I have felt drawn to. I had a close friend when I was younger and he struggled going from one foster home to the next. I begged my mom to let him stay with us, but he was moved out of the area and after that, I always wanted to be able to help kids like him. Did you have children in the home when you began fostering?

I didn't have any children in the home and still don't. He is our first child ever, and for the most part has adjusted well. The hardest things to deal with are not taking the behaviors personally (because I do) and family visits/calls. We just had his siblings come over on Saturday for a visit with their foster mother, and it was a great visit and I loved getting to know them! However, the days following he had a lot of behavioral problems. Flashbacks and memories are common and trigger behaviors. That can be very hard to deal with, and it breaks your heart that you have to keep taking away privileges and time outs since you know pretty well what is causing the behavior issues. It is very physically and emotionally draining, but also SO rewarding. I was so tired the first month or so. I was a brand new mama, trying to get myself, my husband and this new little guy all in a routine that helps his life become consistent and predictable. It was another person to get dressed in the morning and feed, making mornings earlier and nighttimes longer. But at the end of the day it is so very worth it, every last bit, knowing we are a little family and that he has a safe, loving home to come to every day.

Thank you for sharing your experience! I really admire the strength and patience it must take to navigate the world of foster care. I can only imagine how exhausting and emotional it must be to parent a child who has experienced trauma. I think it is so awesome that you are providing so much love and stability. Every child deserves that!

Darcy, your description of that adjustment of having a new person to care for sounds a lot like having a newborn! I think that's probably something adoptive parents of kids who aren't babies should bear in mind - you expect the first months of having a newborn to be physically and emotionally demanding, and it will be the same when you adopt an older child.

My wife and I adopted four children whom we foster first.100% of children in the system suffer from trauma. They are 5x more likely to have PTSD than the general public and 2x more likely to have PTSD than veterans who have seen active combat. So, naturally, the children are dealing with some very real stuff that children shouldn't have to deal with.I think as a foster parent we have to change our mindset about adoption. We are first and foremost trying to help the children reunite with their birth family. We are helping a family in crisis. Adoption is an afterthought when and IF the situation has to present itself.Margie and I have actually co-founded a nonprofit that provides resources to help foster and adoptive families help the children in their care. There are so many tools that you can utilize to help a child. www.transfiguringadoption.com

Just realize love is not enough. I was naïve enough to think this. It's not true. Look into finding a trauma therapist; this way, when you start, you and your foster kids are ahead of the game. Good luck!

' Ditto ' with ' Develop a Thick and and Thick Thick Skins ' .As well as it is also an ' Emotional Rollercoaster Ride!!! 'My Home State California Advocates . ' That under the age of 10 be reunicifated with either Birth Parent ( s) or other type of Family Relationships. 'Go out of state if possible??Do ' Respite Care ' whilst going through the Education and the Processing.