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My husband and I are 29; we are child-free and married for 3 years. No fertility issues but I felt in my heart that we should start our family with foster adoption and will apply for a 3-7 year old sibling group of 2 with moderate emotional concerns but no physical disabilities.
We JUST signed up for an orientation and it hit me that if we stay on track with all the steps, we could have children, in our house, in as soon as like... 8-10 months maybe. (!!!!)
I'd like ya'lls honest opinion about whether we should take it a little slower OR if there are some things below that we should be prioritizing on a big change ASAP.
Us:
----- We live in an English basement apartment and could end the lease for our current subleaser who is in the 2nd bedroom as soon as August.
----- The den in our house is rented by a local commuter who uses is at a daytime relaxation spot. He's not a resident/overnighter and the room isn't a bedroom. We'd like to keep that going because it helps with the rent.
----- We dogsit regularly for supplemental income but I have blocked off our availability beginning in July.
----- Our place is in good shape but could use a few repairs. We are looking to get a pre-inspection to find out of our place is actually up to code with fire safety. If the den issue or the inspection is working against us, we will plan to move but would like to do so as late in the process as possible.
----- I am in event sales and work office hours Tue-Fri and some Saturday evenings. My husband is a Realtor so he writes his own schedule and can sometimes work from home.
----- My husband has some experience working with children but I don't really have any although I am eager to jump in and learn everything about our little ones.
----- From my childhood and education, I had short experiences with mental illness and behavioral issues (with my siblings).
----- We are both in online school and my husband is looking to start going full-time MBA at a school nearby next year. Completion for both of us is over the next 3-5 years so this isn't something I want to "wait on" before starting a family.
----- I would definitely consider us not the most "domesticated" people. Although we are incredibly ambitious and organized people at work and in school, at home we are lazy at times, and shabby in some of our habits but this is only because, well, obviously we haven't ever had to do otherwise. We're not mourning the future change AT ALL and fully embrace the need for a routine and parenting lifestyle.
----- This sounds like a lot of bad, heh, but I get so incredibly excited about this journey and at the chance to welcome a child into what I hope will be a forever home!
I've been thinking a lot about my PTO availablity, taking some leave if needed, how far the subsidy will go in terms of childcare/private preschool/the DC school lottery as well as rent in a new apartment in a safe neighborhood (FYI for non-DCers, this is a serious consideration as far as the cost of living, terrible school conditions and tuition rates around here). I've also been looking at new jobs that would be more Mon-Fri.
-- What do you guys think?
-- Anything we should address right away or any red flags you can see?
-- Should we dive in head first?
-- I understand that home study expectations with foster care is pretty different from, say, private newborn adoptions but is there anything we should step-up BEFORE getting involved with a SW that might nix us as good candidates?
And finally, of course... what is it even like to suddenly go from being a millenial city-dweller to a full-time parent to two toddlers?!?! (I get goosebumps just thinking about it!)
Last update on April 17, 8:19 am by Noelle Al-Jumaili.
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First: In NY, only immediate family can be in the house. He'd either be considered immediate family or he'd have to go. Over 18, he'd have to be fingerprinted. Second: develop thick skin! Do as much research as possible. Love is not always enough. Trust me. Find out if the kids are in or can go into therapy. They will need it. As I think of more, I'll post again.
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These are all things you'll want to discuss with your home study social worker. Their job is not only to make sure your home is safe for kiddos - but that foster/adopting is a good for for you as a family, too.
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We are at the early stages of adoption like you and can relate to many things you say, the insecurities and the fear! We were thinking about moving into a new home before anything else cause our living conditions might not be approved (old, tiny place). I think it's important that your home study social worker gives you confidence at this stage. Cheers.
Last update on May 12, 4:33 am by Oliver Bruce.
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