Relationship with birth parents during your child's tricky stages

It's almost inevitable that at some point or another, adopted kids struggle in one way or another with their adoption story. As a birth mom, I really worry that one day when my birth daughter starts struggling, or maybe if she becomes angry or resentful of her adoptive parents, that they will push me out of the picture. They haven't said or done anything to make me think they would do that, but I'm still nervous about it. What if they think it would be better for her to work through her feelings apart from me? What if they think I'm damaging their relationship with her? I definitely don't want to hurt their relationship and I will always back them up. If she herself wants some space from me I can totally understand and give her what she needs. But I'm definitely having some anxiety right now about being pushed away by the adoptive parents in her teen years. Have any of you had these kinds of issues in your open adoption? How did you handle your relationship with birth parents during these hard stages?

It's also possible that you may be a good place for your birth child to go. Teenagers often "hate" their parents during this stage, and you may be the opportunity your child needs for guidance. I feel like as long as you don't go against your child's adoptive parents, why should they keep the two of you a part?

My friend Tamra placed her son in a closed adoption in the 90s. When he was about 17, she found his parents and reached out to him. She told them that she wanted to be involved in whatever capacity they deemed appropriate for their child - however much or however little contact (or not contact) they thought appropriate. She underscored that she trusted them completely and wanted only to be available if she thought she could be of benefit to them. They were DELIGHTED to welcome her back into their lives as a support for their son, who actually really needed his birth mom at that point in his life. I know it's hard, but I'd recommend just having faith in your son's parents. You chose them because you knew they would do whatever they could do ensure his safety, health, and happiness. Make sure that they know that you are always there to back them up, and that you trust their judgment. Your relationship with them is built on a foundation of love. You love them. They love you. And you ALL love your son. With that sort of a foundation, you have to know that things will be okay. Even if there's a time when you need to allow them some space as a family, it will all work out. It really will.